Plans

So a number of you have been asking me, or must be wondering what the heck am I going to do, leaving everything behind coming here to restart my life. 

The main reason I decided to come here is of course to end my long distance relationship with Wk. It's been 4 years and enough is enough. There's only that much a girl can handle. It was difficult but of course I'm glad we made it. I'm glad we both had faith, had plans and were looking forward to that day to come. Let's put it this way; he got a job and it's either he stays here and work and I come, or he rejects the offer and goes back to Malaysia and I can stay within my comfort zone. 

We had wanted to be together and of course had wanted a better future and here is where we imagined it to be. Shallow or childish, I don't care whatever anyone wants to say because your opinion doesn't matter. This is us and for us. Things happened, a golden opportunity was given to us, it's either we grab it now or never be offered again.

Also another reason is well... I needed a solution to being stuck at my dad's place. I've been wanting to stop working there but just couldn't figure out how. After graduating I was only working part time and it's because I wanted to have more time to practise and prepare for my Master studies application. I have to submit an audition CD which isn't something that can be done in a day or even a month. It's a long story but all in all, I just wanted more time to polish my skills and be better before I apply to study for Masters. 

Of course wanted to come to Melbourne to study because why not? Wk is here. It's the only way (at that time) that I could think of to come here and let us be together, and at the same time do what I really want to do which is to learn to play the violin professionaly. 

But my dad couldn't understand and insisted that I needed to have a full time job. And that was how I ended working for him. He didn't force me but he is my father and he needed help anyway with his business, since I was free I decided it's ok to spare a few days to help him eventhough I was reluctant to. 

I know some of you would say "just say no if you didn't want to". I can only tell you, it's easier said than done.

And a few working days became all the days I'm not teaching. My plan to practise when I'm free was crashed. I was staying with him, there's no way I could sternly tell him I don't want to work for him. I wanted to move out, but its not practical and I couldn't afford to anyway. And I couldn't bring myself to do it cos even if I move out I'll be taking the car and he bought me that car so I feel like I owe it him. In fact I owe everything to him so I feel the responsibility to help him whenever I can.

That's when I slowly see the future I planned distancing away. If I continue to work at my dad's place, I can never ever be able to be better at playing the violin, I can never ever get to go back to studying. I will probably be in LDR for the next few years. It's depressing everytime I think about this. 

Which is the ultimate reason I decided that I had to leave, if I had the opportunity to. I could stay, but I don't see myself doing what I want to do. I see myself chasing away my dreams, and I see myself crying everynight when I think of what the fuck I was doing to my life.

I'm not saying I wanted to leave because I couldn't stand my dad. It isn't. I feel that as long as I'm at home facing him, it's my responsibility to help him whenever I can eventhough I know I have my rights to say no. I know it's selfish to just leave, but I have my dreams too. And I'm immensely grateful that he didn't say no, he gave me his blessing to move to another country and offered to help me if I ever needed it. It breaks my heart but it's now or never, I had to make my decision. My dreams, or the responsibility which only exists in my conscience.

For the past few years my parents was seeing me staring at my laptop screen talking to Wk on Skype. Now it's as though I got sucked into the laptop, into the other side of the world and my parents now have to talk to me on Skype. But I guess it's just part and parcel of life. I'm glad I don't have to burden them with anything right now and I'm more glad that our relationship has gotten better if compared to the past. It's true, you never know what you have until it's gone. I never know how much I meant to them, as well as how much they meant to me until I left.

So as much as I want to come here, it also hurts me that much to leave my family but in life you just can't have it all. I really hope this is for the best.

So the question again, what am I going to do here.

For the first 3 months, because of the visa I'm holding now, I'm not allowed to work. I can't do much right now cos we're moving really soon (in a few days) and everything's all packed so I can't cook. I wanted to practise but there's too many people in the house and it'll be incosiderate to do so.

I still have plans to study which was why I was having violin lessons like crazy before I left. I want to come prepared before approaching violin tutors here. 

I will of course get a part time job. What jobs would I do? I think it's not up to me anymore as this is not Malaysia, I don't have choices. I'll take whatever comes as long as it's not ridiculous in terms of working hours and pay. 

I'm hoping to be able to afford violin lessons and maybe, apply to study Masters part time since it is what I really wanted to do - to study while I still can and want to. International students can only study full time, with a PR we're allowed to do part time. I'm hoping I can earn enough to support myself.

Right now in these 3 months, all I can do is practise whenever I can. And do chores of course lol.

Prelude

As most of you have already known, I'm already here in Melbourne. I've quitted all my jobs, compressed my life and packed it into about 32kg, said goodbye to everyone, cried buckets of tears, sat in the plane for 8 hours and now, I'm here in a familiar new place with my other half.

I wanted to post pictures but everything in the apartment's all packed as we're preparing to move into another apartment, I can't find the cable to transfer pictures from my camera. Wk's at work right now and I don't want to bother him about this so this will be a picture-less post.

Yesterday on the way to the airport, my grandmother couldn't hold her tears and she was pouring for some time in the car. It seriously broke my heart to see her that way but there was nothing I could do to stop her from crying because she knows I'm leaving her.

At the airport, Esther, Wai Tuck and Sim Mei came to send me off. 

I've never mentioned this but when I first went to STAR (my secondary school), Sim Mei was actually the very first friend I made. I went into the class not knowing where I should sit. I saw here and there was an empty seat next to her so naturally I walked over and politely asked if I could sit there and she said yes. I've previously heard about her as we were both from the same primary school (Simpang Lima) but we were at different classes so we didn't know each other. But I heard she was really smart, so I guess before I decided to be seated next to her I did put that into consideration, that I'm sitting next to someone smart and that could be beneficial to my studies somehow hahaha!

Esther was in a different class, but somehow got transfered to the same class as Sim Mei and I during secondary school. Esther again, was from the same primary school as me but we were not in the same class. In fact, I remember seeing her even since kindergarten. She and Sim Mei were from the same class in primary so when she got transfered, Sim Mei introduced her to me. I told her how I remember seeing her in kindergarten and then we just clicked from there.

Technically, I've known these two girls for 11 years already. And counting.

As for Wai Tuck, I don't remember how we got to know each other but we met during Form 6. And he's been my 'kaki' in Klang along with Esther for 6 years now. He's also my rap partner in karaoke :D

When I had to go into the terminal, I said goodbye to everyone. I first told my grandma to take care of herself. When I hugged her I couldn't control myself anymore and I broke down. Seeing this, I guess everyone else broke down too. I then hugged everyone else, including my parents.

I'm sure most of you know I have quite a weird relationship with my parents. Sometimes I bitch about them, sometimes I say how much I love them. We don't communicate much unless we need to talk about serious stuffs. 

The last time I hug them was probably when I was really young. 5? 6 or 7 years old? I don't know. And now that I'm giving them a hug, it hit me that I'm hugging them because I'm leaving them already. And I cried even harder. My mom cried. I don't know if my dad did cos I was too emotional to see already. 

I'm sorry I forgot to give Cerdwin (my future sister in law) and Wai Tuck a hug. I dunno why I didn't, I'm sorry. I appreciate your presence so much yesterday. And thank you so much for the gift Cerdwin, you really didn't have to. But since you insisted, I told you what I prefered :P Thank you so much! :)

When I was at the waiting gate, I broke down again and while crying, Dr. Nasir (my lecturer in UM) called me and wished me the best. He, as usual, was about to say something lame but when he found out I was crying he went all serious lol. Nikki (one of my violin students) called to wish me too.

When I was in the plane I broke down every once in a while when I had nothing to do and I couldn't sleep. And I took out all the letters and thank you cards I've received and read them. From my students Nikki, Huishan and Zhishan, from Sunwave Music Centre, from Alfa, from Esther. Wth I cried even more especially when I see the word "Teacher Ee Von" but it kept my heart warm knowing how much people loved me and my presence mattered was appreciated all these while. Thank you all of you who gave me all these lovely remembrance, you know who you are!

I held a meetup with my best uni friends - Jian, Chee Wei, Adelle, Michelle and Cheng Choo. Cat was supposed to come but she was busy with her thesis so she couldn't make it. It was really nice meeting everyone once again. We talked about silly things, laughed at silly things like how we stupidly looked at the Apple logo instead of the lens at the back of Adelle's iPhone when the guy was helping us to take a picture using it. 

Jian was one of the first few friends I made when I went into UM. He was also my rumoured boyfriend haha! We were close enough for people to think we're actually a couple lol. Adelle was the first friend (apart from my roommates then) I made when I stayed in the hostel. Most of the people there conversed in Mandarin and I couldn't really fit in until I met her and we clicked instantly because we share pretty much the same opinion on everything! Cheng Choo and Chee Wei was from the dance department and I don't remember how we know each other but they too, got along with us super well. Michelle is Adelle sister and of course, was introduced to us through Adelle. She's friendly, nice and witty. 

All of them are my favourite people in uni and nobody can take that away.

Then of course there's Cat whom I again, can't remember how we got to know each other and gotten close but I'm thankful and grateful to have her as my friend all these while. We've been through the ups and downs together, played gigs (cheating wan ahahahah), karaoke at the most ridiculous time of the semester, my most favourite times with her are of course in UMSO. It's not the best orchestra but its the people there that made it all worthwhile. People like her, Alfa (my FAVOURITE gay friend haha), and Amy.

Thank you for the earrings Chung Kiap, Yik Chuan (I still prefer to call you this than Albert, sorry! I first know you with that name!), Esther, Sim Mei and Wai Tuck. I wear them everyday now :) Well partly is because I don't own real stuff (as in gold or silver etc) and my ears can only take those so yeah hahaah. The Spongebob plush sleeps with me everyday! Er... it's just a sponge so it can't do much ya know what i mean wtf.

Of course, I wanna thank my parents and my grandma for all the support. Emotionally and financially! Hahah. My mom showered me with luxury again T__T this time she gave me 2 gold bracelets and a designer wallet T________T 

Ok this post is going nowhere but I hope I didn't leave out anyone. I know it's not as though I won't see them anymore, but the fact is I don't know when I'll be seeing them again.

I'll be living a new chapter of my life here and I promise to be happy.

-

Initially I didn't want to break this news in my blog but the stress level has been cummulating up to my neck now I feel really suffocated. I have too many things to do, but too little time.

As some of you may have already known, I'm leaving Malaysia in less than 2 weeks. It's a one way ticket this time. I am going to Melbourne but it's not a holiday and it's not for school. It's to stay there for a good few years until I get a Permanent Resident (PR) Visa from the Australian Government. Because Wei Kiat is putting my name with his, the lawyer said I have to be there before lodging the application, and thereafter while waiting we are required to stay. In other words, I have to leave everything behind. Everything I already have in my fingertips - jobs, car, familiarity, connections, friends and family.

No, I'm not blaming anyone. I just need a place to let a little bit of things out before I explode.

I currently have 5 main things to do: settle things in my dad's shop, settle things in music centres I teach at, have as many lessons as I can with my violin teacher and lastly, spend time with friends/family and lastly pack.

I know I complain about working at my dad's all the time and I should be happy now that I get to get the heck out of here but that doesn't change the fact that he's my dad and if I could I would help him any time. When I told him how soon I had to leave not only did he not sound me for being irresponsible, he showed his concern on what I'm going to do there, financial stability and all the things any dads would naturally do. And I feel really bad but there's nothing I can do about it but to get everything as organized as I can before I leave.

I currently teach at three different places but the good news is that I have already told them my plans of leaving a few years before this (with failed attempts of actually leaving wtf) thankfully all bosses are already prepared. I won't miss being irritated the crap out of myself by parents who complain a lot or students who don't practice, but I would most definitely miss my students. I would miss that rewarding feeling when a student does well whether in an exam or a regular lessons, and I would miss having kiddy conversations with the younger students. Yes, I might be able to live this part of my life again in Melbourne, but the students I would get in Melbourne are not Malaysian. That, is the difference.

Right now, I'm having violin lessons as regularly as I can afford to - as long as I have enough money, and time. I feel really happy that I've finally found a teacher who would help me out unconditionally, with dedication and as much as he can but it's also really sad that I'm tied up with so many other things, I really really really want to try my best to put practicing the violin as my no. 1 priority but I just can't. My teacher advised... or rather requested that I quit working at my dad's for this month and make sure I get myself really really prepared, before approaching educators over there in Melbourne. I agree, but sadly I cannot do it. I want to quit not because I hate working here (eventhough truth is I'm only working because I feel like I owe it to my dad) but because I really want to be prepared. I try my best to practice (I should be instead of blogging but damnit I really cannot stand the stress anymore) but work just takes up more time and there's nothing I can do. I feel really sorry for myself, I feel so guilty to my teacher.

According to my schedule, I'll be out every single night after work not because I'm going to have fun with friends but it's all more work-related things to be done, trying to settle everything until the very last minute. How the heck can I spend more time with my family/friends like this?!

Lastly, it just hit me that I won't have any time at all to pack unless I sleep lesser. If I do, I'll be too exhausted to even practice or work. So the only days I'm left to actually pack, are a Saturday and a Sunday. Notice how it's not plural. How does one pack up her entire life in just 2 days? Once I leave, I don't know when I'll be able to come back. My mind is like a warzone, I don't know where to start from. I don't know what I should and should not bring. I have too much of makeup, books, clothes emotions...

And today's sick tummy plus 4 trips to the toilet is not helping at all.

Just the other day my dad was telling me he might as well sell away my car since nobody is going to drive it anymore. It made total sense, but it also made me really really sad to hear what he had just said. I don't know why. It hit me hard that my parents raised me and gave me everything including that car and then I'm just going to leave them in less than 2 weeks.

I'm sorry this post is getting so fucking emotional and I'm crying right now.

♡ is in the air

Girl: For this vday, go to cards section in the mall. Randomly pick one vday card and read. Then put back in the rack. There, that's my present. Practical n economical, yet still have the lovey dovey feel. Wtf.

Guy: WTF Hahahah. So sweet. Then as for u. Go online n read one la :)

After half a day...

Guy: Read a vday card. It says "see u in Melb on 28th!". I smile. Content. This is the day I've been waiting for

Girl: :) you make me smile like sohai. Just your assurance is enough to convince me tat going there n restart my life is ok :)

Guy: :) I dunno wat will happen. But i know we'll go through this together. I'm sleeping ady ya. Nite nite baby.

***

Happy Valentine's Day 2011

I spent Valentine's this year with 2 of my bestfriends. I wish we can do this every year.

Don't my nails look freaking awesome?

I've been quite diligent in painting my nails so no more Wai Loon come asking me "Is this a trend? Why is there only a patch of colour at the centre of your nails?"

Pasta Zanmai

Chinese New Year this year felt a little short but still fun nevertheless. Nobody truly enjoys a holiday until they start working. This year could be the last time I get to celebrate CNY with my family. Sad, but some things need to happen. Will reveal when everything is in my hands. Remember I said something exciting is going to happen? Well, it IS happening. Soon. Exciting, but scary at the same time.

And no, I'm not dying.

Some pictures of Wk and I at Pasta Zanmai. First time eating there. Verdict? Overpriced fusion food. Worth trying though cos some dishes taste interesting, but don't eat the typical Japanese dishes cos it's a lot more expensive than if you were to order it in Sushi Zanmai.

Spaghetti with Unagi and egg. Not bad but nothing to shout about. This is around RM 23 or 26.

Spaghetti with prawn tempura and sesame paste sauce. This one tastes really interesting. It's a mix of Japanese, Oriental and Western in a plate. I think this is around RM 26.

I shall end with a picture of me being my usual self (obsessed).

Hair colour's fading already huhuhu T_T

Tong tong tong chiang!

Bored!

I shouldn't be cos I have a shitload of things to do but I have not felt bothered to get anything done so I shall blog now.

Major change in my life? What else... my hair of course. People who follow me on Twitter or are friends with me on Facebook will know that I have turned from brunette to...

... a redhead!

I posted this picture in my Facebook and Kin Wai asked, "why the lala pose" and I answered "lala hair colour of course must do lala pose"

No offence and please don't perasan, I'm not generalizing redheads as 'lala', it's just a joke. Everyone's definition of a 'lala' is different so don't get too sensitive.

When I first saw Mustardqueen's new hairdo it instantly made me want to go get my hair done. I've been wanting to dye my hair red since forever (no, I'm not saying this only to justify myself just incase anybody thinks I'm trying to 'copy' Mustardqueen, it's a fact) but everytime I'm in a salon deciding on what colour I should dye my hair, the hairstylist will persuade me to not go for red saying it will fade very very quickly and once it fades it won't look nice, the colour isn't versatile blablablaaaa.

Her pictures inspired me so much that I didn't want to give a shit anymore. Do it now or never, how many youths does a woman have, right? And if another hairstylist ever suggests me to do otherwise, to hell with it. 

I went to the same place she did (Wenawave @ Times Square) and I'm glad I did, the stylist didn't comment on a single thing about my decision. Of course she did tell me it will fade quickly which I do not blame her because it's just how the dye and Asian hair work. Once I said "Ok, do it" she told me "You're gonna look like Rihanna".

They use L'oreal and I'm not sure which one I picked, it was either a shade from the Majirouge  or the Majirouge Mix+ series. I didn't expect the colour to turn out soooo vibrant even without bleaching! Well honestly, I wanted something different, not just a burgundy or a mahogany but something... different. And this is exactly what I wanted! But for a day or two I was too afraid to show the big change to the world I wore a cap around -.-

By now, the colour has already faded slightly. It's still red, but not as vibrant. Each time I shampoo, the foam turns pink. I see water with red tint running down my hair. It stains my towel and when I'm not careful, my wet hair will stain my clothes! Well, I'm not complaining since this was what I wanted. I just wanna share a little bit of info just incase anyone out there wanna do this this, at least you're prepared.

I paid RM 220 for my length (it's over my boobies) and RM 95 for the treatment. The place is quite small and  busy so I suggest making an appointment before going. The creative director (whom I consulted) is Yen but the one who did my hair was another stylist.

Now I need to scratch my head and think of what to do once my hair grows out. I can actually see a little bit of regrowth already :(