Haihhhhh

I know I said I won't be updating as often but here I am. I've been feeling really restless for the longest time. It's about application to study Masters at University of Melbourne. I have soooooo many mixed thoughts about this. Like SOOOOO many. Or maybe I should say SOOOOO much. A part of me wants to get accepted, a part of me doesn't. I'm pretty sure most of you know why I want to get accepted and I'm pretty sure most of you don't know why I DON'T want to get accepted. Yes, I've been keeping it to myself. I won't hide from everyone that the very main reason to me even wanting to apply to that university, is to stop my long distance relationship with Wk. I know, if we want to make it work, shouldn't he be doing something too, right? The thing is, he has done so much for me that I can never ask for more. I most of the time brag about the good things he has done for me, good things he got me etc etc but those are actually only like a small part of what he did or has been doing. Crap did I just bragged again? Cos the only reason I don't talk about EVERYTHING is to not sound like I'm bragging. Ok that aside, let me just let you all know the reason I even want to go to Melbourne and study is not because I love that place. Not that I hate it, I like that place and the only reason I'm liking it is because Wk's there and I'm serious. I don't want to lie to everyone and say that place is beautiful I love the people the weather blablabla when really, to think it through, if I were to be there by myself I would have hated it. So yes, my only reason to go there isn't really because I wanted to study, but to be with him. The reason I don't want to be accepted is not entirely because I don't want to study either. It's because I am afraid of the new surrounding and the new environment again. I have to once again, face new people, make new friends (hopefully, because I'm actually the last person anyone will call 'friendly'), learn new things. And besides, it's not Malaysia where I'm familiar of the culture and everything else. It's a totally new place, new culture. I am tired of building a new comfort zone. 3 years ago when I first went into uni, it took me about half a year to find people that I'm comfortable with. For about a month or two, I was all alone. And I hated it. I hated the part where I had to be alone on everything when everywhere I turn, I see people having a friend beside them to talk to. Even people only knew each for not long. I am not good at socializing at all. I am afraid of facing all that once again. I feel really happy with my group of friends from highschool and uni that I have found, that I am really comfortable and can be myself with. Esther, Wai Tuck, Cat, Adelle, Cheng Choo, Jian, Chooi Yin. Honestly, I am afraid of trying new things. I don't have the guts, I admit. I'm very much a stick-to-comfort-zone kind of girl. Besides all that fear on a completely new environment, I am worried of my youngest sister too. My other sister is at Sabah doing her degree, if I leave next year, my brother might leave for the UK in September. Then it'll be her alone at home. The thought of her being alone makes me sad. Also, another reason that I'm feeling so restless now is that, what if I don't get accepted? Money will be wasted. And not just my application fees or my violin lesson or accompaniment charges. Because Wk's foreseeing me there next year, he has cancelled his contract with his current apartment just to look for another apartment to accommodate the both of us. But what if I don't get accepted!!! I feel so stressed =( I REALLY REALLY REALLY want to be there! And I'm REALLY REALLY REALLY afraid of being rejected. And I'm REALLY REALLY REALL scared of new environment, and going through the 'alone' phase again. And if I go, I know that I will REALLY REALLY REALLY miss everything back home.

I want, and at the same time don't want it. Why! =(

Ok. Enough of ramblings. I'm going to sleep now.

Food in Melbourne

First of all, I'd like to thank all of you who shared with me your opinions on my previous post. Thank you sooooo so so so much for taking the time to voice out what you think! It seriously educated me a lot on how to be a better sister! I grew up to be the eldest so most of the time, I didn't have anyone to talk to since my younger siblings couldn't understand much and I didn't realise how I'm putting my past on my own sister by not bothering about her school life! I should have talked with her more about it. I seriously don't want her to go through the kind of shit like having no friends. Seriously, it's the worst feeling ever. And if she cannot even confide to anyone at home, that'll be so sad.

Alright! That aside, let me just continue with some pictures from Melbourne. By the way, I lazy resize la. Sometimes I wonder if you guys prefer the smaller pictures or the full sized one. Let me know if it does bother you.

Breakfast @ Globe Cafe

My chilli corn cakes with avocado, fetta, mint and Tasmanian smoked salmon - Tasted quite... exotic? Dunno if that's the right term. Wasn't bad but wasn't exactly yummy either. Very... strange combination.

Aileen's spinach and horseradish potato hash with poached eggs and hollandaise.


Wk's breakfast jaffle with fried egg, bacon and tomato.

@ Soda Rock Diner which is a really cool place. It's exactly like the diners you see on American TV shows. Like Back to the Future, or Cinderella Story (the one with Hillary Duff).

I think this was the Cheese Burger, which was really nice!

Look, they even have a jukebox on top of each table and mind you, they do work! I think it was about AUD1 for 3 songs. I picked Suga Suga (Archie's theme song), Glenn Miller Big Band's... something which I can't remember. I've been missing in action in uni's Big Band rehearsal that I can't even recall that piece's name. And also another song which I can't remember.

Look at the cheese freakin' oozing out! Mmm...

There's also a pinball machine which Wk played and lost in about 5 minutes HAHAHA. Ok maybe I did exaggerated but I remember he walked back and whined "Cheating one the machine!" HAHAHHA.

@ Maccas


Mighty Angus! How cool is that they even have a website!!! Ohmigoshhhh this was soooo good I'm craving for it right now! Sourdough bun, thick, tender and juicy beef patty, bacon, melted cheese, onion, mayo and zesty relish! *stomach drumming...

Lastly, @ White Tomato, Korean food.

We tried their Spicy Beef Hot Pot but it was toooooooooo oily. Seriously, the whole pot was filled with oil. Putting the oil aside, I actually quite like it. I thought it was quite nice.


Seafood pancake which was yummayyy!

Oh you know, I googled 'white tomato' and guess what popped out?




WTF

Seriously, there are such things as WHITE TOMATOES!??

Crazy. Anyway, from today I won't be updating often cos I'm preparing for my masters audition tape huhuhuhu T________T so, enjoy this video of a compilation of the pictures from my visit to the Tesselaar Tulip Festival! There are too many pictures and I'm just too lazy to upload it here so I figured the best way is to compile them. I do have individual pictures but if you're not my friend in Facebook, then too bad lah don't need to see. But they're not very interesting lah anyway.

bb

Ok bye!

PS I just noticed that all the pictures I put up are food, food and food! Was that all I did in Melbourne? Lol.

Bully

I was told something really shocking a few hours ago. Apparently, my sister has not many friends at school because her classmates think her hair's weird* and they refused to hang out with her. And I can so imagine people jeering and laughing at her hair. Assholes. She has this one friend (might be her ONLY friend), not sure a he or she, who does hang out with her and sometimes, under conditions. That so-called friend made my sis finish his/her homework and 'threaten' her that he/she will not hang out with her if my sis doesn't do his/her homework for him/her.

I was so shocked, I cried. I seriously don't know why. A sense of familiarity perhaps?

Not that I used to be ignored in school because I had funny hair but I do remember not having many friends around. Some days, I walked alone and ate alone during recess. And I also do remember trying really hard to please people just to get more friends. And by pleasing, I mean ways like what my sister's jerk friend did. And I can tell you, if you have not been in situations like that, you can never understand the kind of pain and misery I went through.

Anyway, that's not the point. The point is, I really need opinions on how I can help my sis now. Don't tell me to scold her friend because that'll mean losing her probably one and only friend. I was so shocked because I never thought things like this could happen to her because she has always been bubbly even after returning home from school. I found out all about these from my brother. I feel so bad as an older sister now =(

*It's very stiff and big, almost like having volumizing hairspray all over it and the strands are really dry and coarse. And you know all the Chinese schools' super freakin' ridiculous rule that girls must have ear-length short hair, it doesn't help at all because the shorter the hair, the bigger it gets. But seriously, I don't see any problem with that at all, it's not that she's balding or anything.

And just now when she was packing her schoolbag, she realised she left a stack of her homework books in the tuition centre. She probably asked my dad to something about it but instead of helping, he refused to and I think my sis probably asked a few times and got rejected cos after a while, she went on packing while crying really badly. And then, as if the matter's not bad enough, my parents went yelling at her telling her its her own fault and she should bear the responsibilities herself. And then my mom suddenly changed the whole topic and yelled at her about her hair saying it's so stiff and dry because she uses too much shampoo and that she doesn't take care of it.

Like what the fuck??? I am freaking sure you can't find any 9YO out there who actually knows anything about haircare! I myself did not! I'm pretty sure my mom too!

I don't understand why instead of thinking of a way to solve the matter, they prefer yelling and making people feel like total crap.

It's not like my sis has been forgetting to keep her books. It's her freakin' first time! And for goodness sake, it's a whole bunch of her homeworks which she probably needs to submit tomorrow! And again, we all know Chinese schools' super freakin' ridiculous school teachers who spank their kids in whatever shit they do e.g. talking too loudly, talking too much, forgetting to bring books, forgetting to complete homeworks and whatnot.

It's not that she forgot 1 book, 1 subject or 1 homework. She forgot one whole stack! Yes it clearly is her own fault but hello? Have they no pity on a just a 9YO?

If I were to have finished ALL my homework already and still got spanked just because I forgot to bring them to school and my parents would not want to help me no matter how much I begged and how hard I cried, I would totally feel like crap and cry a river too. She is after all, only a 9YO girl.

But yeah, that's my parents. Me and my other siblings were all raised the hard way. Yelling all the way. Which pretty much explains why, we don't really talk to our parents. Unless its the essentials like school fees, allowances and stuffs. Otherwise, pretty much nothing.

I'm not saying I don't love them and they don't love us as their children. I'm just a little heartbroken to see a scenario like this. Its like seeing the past of myself.

But anyway, do leave me your opinion.

Spring Cleaning!

Lazeeeeeeeeeeee. Lazy to blog, lazy to edit and upload pictures.

#228 - Made this for dinner. Yummy! Fresh pasta rocks. And I totally made those beefballs myself, they're not ready-made ones ok.
#229 - I love-hate Maccas at the Tullamarine Airport.

#230 - Reached home in the morning and saw this on my table. I hate this picture. I look fugly =(
#231 - Did a little bit of spring cleaning on the box I keep all my skincare/hair products and whatnot. Threw away a whole lot of junks which I've not been using for a long time. Can you believe it? I saw one Bodyshop Body Butter and it was manufactured in 2001 holy crap that stuff's 8 years old!!! And no, I've not been using it anyway. Ugh.

#232 - Bought some stuffs in Tesco and finally organized my makeup products which have been pouring out from my small pouches. I've accumulated an amount that my pouches no longer can be zipped up anymore. So I got that tiered mini plastic drawer, a letter holder and a pencil cup.

My vanity! And a few books that I am currently reading and will read soon.


1st drawer - Face and lip products. 2nd - miscellaneous stuffs like fake eyelashes, eyelash curler, nail polish, some eyeshadow bases, gel eyeliner, sharpener, tweezers, scissors etc.


3rd - brushes. I actually bought the pencil cup to store my brushes but I was a little grossed out thinking about dusts which might get trapped in the bristles so I decided to keep them inside the drawer. 4th - powder eyeshadows.

For my huge eyeshadow palettes, I got a letter holder and stacked them in it. And for the pencil cup which lost its function for my brushes, I put all my mascaras, eyeliners and another eyeshadow primer in it.

Actually, I'm still not quite happy with the organization. I wanted to separate the miscellaneous tools, blushers, face products, lips, eyeshadow primers/bases and eyeliners but clearly, 4 drawers are not enough -_- Looks like I need another one hrm. Well, that's not what really bothers me. I have a feeling that all these might slowly build up in the future...

Yet Again

My baby's sleeping like a baby now while I'm munching the addictive honey roasted macadamia nuts and packing, and getting teary once in a while. Julie and Julia was very inspirational, but it ended in a weird and sudden way. But at least the movie did get me to want to pick the book up and start reading it. I've gotten all the things that I wanted in the checklist. Yes even that Smashbox primer cos I instantly loved how it felt on my skin when I tested it. I can't wait to use it. I need to go remove my makeup and wash my face, tone and moisturize it nicely before I board on the plane. It's gonna be yet another long, sad 8 hours flight back home. I just hope I can fall asleep and not think about anything. I'm seeing McD's before going into the terminal. I'm seeing us hugging and tears streaming down my cheeks like nobody's business. I'm seeing me walking away without turning back and me crying buckets. Damn I hate LDR.

Yet Another 'Last Day' Here

These few days I have been feeling like a maid. Or a slave. Hrm sounds a little wrong. Whatever. I don't mind being a maid/slave if I can just stay here T____T *prays that my flight tonight will somehow be cancelled, or delayed! Argh!

Made some hashbrowns for breakfast. Will be going out to Vic Market in a bit to get the addictive honey roasted macadamia nuts that Maggie introduced to me. Omg that thing is super addictive. And the good part is it's healthy! :D And it's uber cheap as well! I think it's only AUD6 for 200gm? I'm pretty sure it's overpriced in Malaysia. And I don't think honey roasted macadamia can be found easily back at home. So, I'll be getting at least 500gm of those man!

And some other last minute shopping before we hit the cinema to catch Julie and Julia! Yes it's out today! The movie's at 4pm so I gotta buy all the stuffs I want before that because shops here close at 5pm how sad. Let's make a checklist of what I should be getting.

1. Macadamia nuts
2. Something from the duty free shop
3. Maybe another book? Will drop by Big W and see if they have 'The Last Song' by Nicholas Sparks.
4. Softlips! I better stick to pine coco.
5. Hrm... Still contemplating on Smashbox's Photo Finish Primer cos it's too expensive T_T

Did I miss anything?

I Miss You Already

It's 2.30am here now (sounds weird, can't figure if it should be the other way round - "now here"?) and Wk's at the living room working away with his design stuffs while I'm here bumming. My flight's tomorrow at 1.45 am. I know, that's a crazy late flight and I picked it on purpose. I always pick the latest flight on Thursdays because my work basically begins on Friday afternoons. I try my best to maximize the amount of time I'm here, with him. And I think its quite evident already that I'm sad and emotional right now. This visiting thing's like a drug. You get euphoric temporarily and suffer when the effect withdraws from your system. The higher you get, the harder you fall. And yet, people still do it. I still do it. As much as I love being here, being in my comfort zone, being in the arms of the person I love and have been missing, I hate it when I need to leave. Everything feels like a sweet dream - short and sweet. I can really go crazy if this shitty LDR keeps going on.

And it's so funny now that I find myself living to the lyrics of Aerosmith's 'I Don't Wanna Miss A Thing' where it goes like "I don't wanna fall asleep cos I'd miss you babe, and I don't wanna miss a thing...". At this hour I could've probably slept away but somehow I don't want to sleep just because he's not, yet. What a corny situation eh? Heh.

Ok. I'll just go practice my violin. Yeah. At 2.30am. Haha.