Priorities

This morning I got a call from an unknown number. After answering, I found out it was a man who has sent me an email days ago inquiring about violin lessons. I knew it was very irresponsible of me to not reply him through email. And now he's calling me, anyone can tell how serious he was about the lessons he was asking for his son. I apologized and said no.

And now I feel this weird, indescribable sadness in me.

6 months ago, I would have said yes to ANY inquiry in a heartbeat. I was so desperate for a job, and to be able to teach the violin would be a plus. Music has been a huge part of me before doing beauty and I've always hoped to keep it that way, and someday still do things related to music. 

Today, I realize I can't hold on to all these things anymore. I only have one heart, there's only that many things I can be passionate and focused about. If I were to do them all, I'd be half-assed in any of them which isn't something good. 

It didn't take me long to say no to that inquiry, but it cuts me deep inside knowing I'm pushing music away. But if I were to try and do it all, I'll be nowhere in the future. That being said, music will still be a part of me that I'm proud of. For now, I need to concentrate on what I have in hand. There's no use living life in the past when we are all in the present. 

I'm happy to teach, but if I'm unable to commit myself 100% and risk ruining the learning progress of a child, I'd rather say no in the first place. I'm sure he will find a better teacher who can give him so much more than I can.

It's amazing and scary at the same time the change one can go through in such a short amount of time. 2 years ago, I was a hopeful music teacher hoping to be able to live in Melbourne with my other half and teach music. Today, I'm doing anything BUT music.

Oh well, what's life if it's not constantly evolving?