choieevon♡

Omurice - 14/2/11

I want to be happy being here but honestly, I'm not truly happy. Not because I'm homesick but the endless uncertainties of what lies ahead, of my future. I can't say I don't appreciate the opportunity to be able to be here, to be safe from all the terrible disasters happening to the world, to have someone to hold on to when I crumble and fall, to experience a whole new different way of living and gain new knowledge. But the waiting is slowly killing me already. And my practice progress hasn't been very rewarding. I practise frequently, setting targets which I managed to achieve, some of it, but I find myself constantly getting frustrated and demotivated to a point where I would break down and cry. Life isn't as simple, things don't work out as easy. If I want to, I could just call back and ask my dad to send me some money so that I can enrol into schools and study. But the last thing I want to do is to give my parents more burden. There are so many casual jobs waiting to be grabbed, I'm even fortunate enough to have one reader of blog who stays here offer me job opportunities but the thing is I can't take any, yet. I'll have to wait. Not wait for the day to come, that would have been so damn easy. But wait for someone important to say yes. Many people think it's a good thing to be able to go to another country and work and live. They don't know what I had to give up to come here, and in the end not get what I first expected. Many people think my life is so easy because I basically don't have to do a single thing like waking up at 7am and go to work, or pay bills. They don't know how I'm feeling inside, they don't. They don't know the things I sacrificed back at home just to come here, and have absolutely nothing but hope. They don't know about the fear and the tears I cry. When I hear people tell me "I want to have your life" all I can do is smile and feel like crap inside.

Yesterday I made Omurice, which is a Japanese version of Malaysia's Nasi Goreng Pattaya. Omurice = Omelette + Rice. The difference is, Omurice has Tomato Ketchup drizzle and tomato fried chicken rice, while Nasi Pattaya has chilli sauce drizzle and regular fried rice with crappy mixed vegetables and sometimes a little bit of chicken. Everything turned out great until the egg wrapping part and transferring it onto a plate. It was so difficult because my pan was flat and not big enough to make an omelette big enough to wrap the rice completely. Nevertheless, I'm quite happy with the result.