Week 19

Nothing much has changed except I've been feeling baby squirming in me! 

It's a strange sensation. I think I've felt it since the start of week 18 but never gave it much attention until I sat back and really focus. Every article says it feels like bubbles popping, butterflies in your stomach, flutters. Yes, it kind of is like that but when I place my hands on my belly, I sometimes physically can feel the push from underneath! It's so much more than just a flutter. It has now become my ritual everynight to place my hands on my belly just to feel it all. It helps me sleep. 

My sleep hasn't been the best lately. Lots of tossing and turning, lots of vivid dreams. I never wake up feeling refreshed =.= 

In about 2 weeks time we're scheduled for the next stage of ultrasound which is the anatomy scan. And then an appointment at the hospital with a doctor. Hopefully the only appointment with a doctor because that'll mean my pregnancy isn't complicated and can be handled by the midwives.

Yesterday we had our first appointment at the hospital. I thought I was seeing an obstetrician but it was a midwife who met us. She explained the appointment is to gather all the information required before we see the obstetrician in about another month or so. She explained the different types of maternity care the hospital provides and will discuss which is most suited. 

We were not left with much to choose from; I didn't want a shared care with my GP because well... my previous posts should explain well enough. The obstetrician care is reserved for high risk pregnancies - fair enough. Sara recommended me to go on this specific midwives care where I get to have 2 midwives on call. This option however I will most likely NOT get to have because people usually book when they're as early as 7 weeks along. 

Seriously. At 7 weeks I was still doubting if I was actually pregnant or if the baby will survive the 1st trimester. 

We're left with 2 options which seems rather similar so we picked one of it. Either way I trust we're in good hands. 

Baby's due date has now changed AGAIN. She said the first dating ultrasound is usually more accurate. We're now back to 27 April 2019. We also got to hear baby's heartbeat through the doppler. 155bpm.

13 weeks

Baby has a new due date!

21 April 2020 :D much closer if not accurate to my LMP

I'm so glad I insisted on another ultrasound. Ok I didn't force my GP but he probably gave in seeing my disappointed face when I found out I won't have one until 20 weeks. 

This time instead of going to back to a general imaging clinic I went to a specialist ultrasound practice. The ultrasounds are run by obstetricians and gynaecologists. I don't know what it would have cost me if I haven't come here but I'm quite sure it's more than the usual imaging clinics but it is so worth it.

She didn't only print us a picture, they sent us link of a bunch of images plus videos of the ultrasound to be downloaded! We saw baby moving her arms and little feet, we saw her 'talking', all these would have been fleeting moments but they were all captured! The wonders of technology.

The entire process was not rushed, she took her time to get good angles to take videos and pictures, explaining to us every step of the way about what we're looking at. Towards the end she even went ahead to further check on some cyst she saw and gave her advice which NO ONE has explained to me except for the doctor at Mercy Hospital who dealt with my miscarriage, who told me it's nothing to be worried about as it's fairly common.

I think I can now let my guards down and be excited for the first time. 

Week 12

So the Harmony test results came back good. Low probability on the 3 most common chromosome abnormalities. I then asked doc about ultrasound at 12 weeks and he said no? Next ultrasound will not be until 20 weeks. 

😟 

Really? The health of baby is that easily determined by just one blood test??

I asked about the first trimester screening and he said the Harmony test pretty much supersedes it because it’s more accurate (his words, not mine). 

From what I’ve read the test is not diagnostic. It calculates the probability it doesn’t diagnose whether or not the fetus has problems. 

What baffles me is why didn’t I get the choice to do the screen first before going for a $430 test which the government does not cover. It’s not as if I fall under the high risk category (age 35 and above). I also read somewhere which mentions an ultrasound is still recommended to look for other physical abnormalities which the test will not be able to detect. 

Anyway, I asked him if its possible if I wanted to do an ultrasound before 20 weeks. He asked for what reason. 

I blurted because I don’t feel pregnant? 

He went on and explained again usually there’s only a dating scan (which I did at 6 weeks) and next scan will be at 20 weeks to check for fetal physical development. The Harmony test is a comprehensive test with accurate results to confirm the pregnancy. 

I said fine then I’ll wait until 20 weeks. He then proceeded to write me a referral for an ultrasound anyway for my “peace of mind”. 

😀😀

I may come across super paranoid but after going through a miscarriage it’s almost impossible to NOT overthink and be worried 24/7. Every single day I check my underwear to make sure I have no spotting. Every single day I feel my boobs to make sure they are still “different”. Every single day I weigh myself and I look at my belly in the mirror. Did I gain weight or is this the pregnancy? 

I’d also really like another ultrasound so that if we do decide to announce at least there’s a good photo?? What a superficial reason but the last ultrasound we did we could barely see anything. Which is not surprising since it was only 6 weeks! And the picture was taken with a mobile phone -.- 

Usually a dating scan is done towards the end of first trimester but because I’ve had a miscarriage before the doctor ordered one early on (6 weeks) to confirm the viability of the pregnancy. 

P.S. The Harmony test lets you know the baby’s gender. Yes, we know what we’re having. I can’t believe I’ve been wrong. Whatever baby is, I just hope for a healthy pregnancy and baby. 

P.P.S. Wk asks if I’m excited. Can’t say I am to be honest. At least not until this next ultrasound confirms baby is ok. This Friday is the day. 

Weekday lunchies

Every few weeks I will have the honour of being Michelle’s lunch pal. Gets me out of the house, and I get to try new food/eat good food, while she gets a company. Win-win. We’re both self-proclaimed food snobs so I have full trust over her selections. 

Yesterday’s joint was this semi new pizza place few steps down her office, Leo’s by the slice in South Yarra. Pizzas are sold by the slice ranging between $5-$8 if I remember it correctly. The vegan selections are the priciest. 

You can buy the pizzas whole. They cost something astronomical like $50-80. Yes, the slices are huge. There are less than 10 flavours to choose from. This isn’t a place of variety, it’s the kind of place that does only a few things and does it really well. Our favourite kind. 

My Pepperoni was $7. Good amount of cheese and pepperoni - I was very happy. 

Michelle’s margherita seems to have only a blanket of cheese, I could barely see the tomato nor any basil. She liked it though. 

To balance the greasy meal, we both had the salad of the day which was a concoction of either watercress or pea shoots I couldn’t tell (the green leafy stuff), farro, radish, cucumber, asparagus, some kind of dried fruit either raisin or berry, and vinaigrette. 

Washed down with some iced coffee for me, Milkis for Michelle, from the Japanese convenient store around the corner. 

T’was a tasty lunch. 

Open strings

I can’t even remember when I stopped playing. This may sound dramatic but it gives me bittersweet memories. The kind you don’t wish to talk about to preserve the good and isolate the bad. 

I’ve had this violin for about 13 years, used maybe 6-7 years. Got it when I was in uni, it was everything to me. 

This was in its case, which was covered in dust and mostly cobwebs. Even dead bugs hanging from the web. The case has seen better days. One of the zipper sliders is broken. The plastic which attaches the shoulder strap is broken. The storage compartment’s zipper is broken. Everything seems to be falling apart and yet the violin seems unchanged since the last time I used it. 

The strings were fine, the pegs did not loosen. The strings were only maybe a tone out. With a bit of rosin to the bow and tuning, it sounded just like how it used to be. Maybe louder than I remember. Or maybe it’s just been so long. 

Of course, my intonation was all over the place. It’ll take me a while to get comfortable with my grip on both hands but I managed first position alright. My bow was in the right place and string crossing wasn’t a struggle. 

Strangely, I find it much more peaceful and enjoyable to play despite being out of touch. Much more enjoyable than I can remember. Is it because there isn’t any exams to prepare for? No one’s expectations to meet but my own? No deadline to work towards?

Who knows 🤷🏼‍♀️ I enjoyed it and I look forward to doing it again tomorrow. 

I had to stop because my fingers were hurting and I could feel tension building up in my neck and shoulders.  

Harmony Test

Went to see the GP for my routine check 2 days ago. The last time we spoke, he told me I'll need to do a genetic screening next. The one where they check for conditions like Down Syndrome and he said to go back to him when I'm around 10ish weeks onwards. So when I went back to see him I repeated what he told me. He had this confused silence for 5 seconds and I had to then quickly add "I'm pregnant".

Do bulk bill places really suck this much? Is it that difficult to look into a patient's history before asking "What can I do for you today?"? Surely whatever's discussed in previous appointment is recorded in the computer or somewhere?

Anyway. I was then given a referral letter to do a blood test. On the letter it says 'Harmony Test'. They have an in-house pathology lab so I could do it on the spot. Great.

After about 20 minutes wait my number was called. I happeend to be the last patient before the pathologist closes for lunch. Lucky last.

She took my referral letter and saw what test I needed to do and then told me it'll cost me $400, and asked "Did you know that?".

I sort of gave a sarcastic chuckle "Now I know"

If Sara had not told me that all tests and ultrasounds are not covered apart from the dating scan, I wouldn't have known this test actually will cost this much. I was a little surprised when the GP mentioned nothing about the price and just gave me the referral as if it's a compulsory thing to do and of course I was sort of hoping Sara was wrong. Alas she was completely right, of course she would be. She's had two children. Pfft. 

Nevermind the price. I know it's something I wanted to do anyway so I agreed to proceed. The pathologist then mentioned something about 1st trimester screening. I told her I did have my blood tested to confirm the pregnancy followed by a dating scan, I asked if those are 1st trimester screening. She said they're not. It's a different type of screening which costs extra but much lesser than the Harmony, and is partially covered by Medicare. There is also a blood test involved plus an ultrasound. (Upon researching I later learned this is most likely called the Nuchal Translucency test)

I was a little puzzled as to why this wasn't mentioned by the GP if it is an option? The pathologist then clarified that the Harmony is a very accurate, in depth test which is why it costs more. 

I couldn't be bothered to get nothing done after having waited for cumulatively close to 2 hours just for a 5 minutes chat, referral from the doctor and getting into the pathology room. If I chose not to do the Harmony test that day and ask for the 1st trimester screen I'll have to now wait to see the GP again to get a different type of referral, wait again to do a bloodtest, and I'll have to book a time to do the ultrasound another day because it can only be done elsewhere. 

So $430 swiped off my credit card and 2 vials of blood painfully drawn from me later, I was finally done for the day. I'm guessing my next step would be the 12 weeks ultrasound. Is it a nuchal translucency ultrasound though? I sure hope it is because apparently The Harmony will not be able to pick up physical abnormalities in other areas which an ultrasound has a higher chance to.

Also while in the GP's room he asked if I have heard from the hospital of my choice and I told him strangely no. The referral was supposedly faxed about 3 weeks ago and technically I should receive a letter in the mail by now (I did in the last pregnancy which unfortunately I didn't manage to make it). He said he would fax it again that day.

I emailed the hospital to confirm if they have received anything when I got home that day. Got a reply today confirming they did receive my referral, ON MONDAY. Which means whatever the GP faxed 3 weeks ago didn't go through -_- Trying not to get frustrated with this medical centre is proving to be quite a difficult task. 

Complaints aside I'm starting to feel less tired, exhausted, dizzy and sick. Not that I have a lot of these symptoms, they usually come and go, one symptom at a time. I'm regaining my appetite, which is great. I can't tell if I'm putting on weight on my waist or it's my expanding womb. I can now only comfortably fit into 1 pair of jeans, a knit skirt, and sweatpants. Or just my underwear haha.