This is why I graduated with a degree but I'm still not working.

I'm writing this because it's getting very frustrating everytime people come up to me and talk about job related stuffs just because I've graduated with a degree and also partly because my application for master studies got rejected. And most people think upon graduating one should be working full time already, earning a steady income, have a certain amount in your savings, and maybe paying installments for car, house, insurance and whatnot. What's frustrating is how they can never EVER ever understand my dilemma and how I'm stuck in a situation where things are not going the typical way.

If you've never learned any kind of musical instrument, or if you've learned but have never been passionate about learning a musical instrument, you'll never know that learning to play an instrument is a never ending process. A lot of people (especially parents and people who don't learn to play anything) think that music stops at the very commonly mentioned GRADE 8.

So that makes them think that obtaining a Grade 8 certificate from whatever exam board means one has completed learning music and there's nothing there to be learned anymore - as though you've a language course or something. That I can totally understand cos if you're not that passionate about music or you've never properly learned music, you won't even know that there are still 3 more Diploma Certificates to go. But there are also people who think that music stops after that 3rd Diploma. And there are even people who think that you stop learning after you've gotten a music degree.

Oh my god. You know, once and for all, I think everyone should know by now that music is a never ending process! In fact, EDUCATION and LEARNING is a never ending process! Having a music degree doesn't mean there's nothing else to be learned anymore! I'm not talking about going up to masters, or doctorate and stuffs. I'm talking about technical and practical stuffs, not theories and researches. About learning to play the instrument from a teacher.

Since graduation, I now only teach for 2 days in a week, not even 2 full days. And a lot of people are kind of making a big fuss about it - those who would NEVER understand that is. And now, I want to FREAKING MAKE YOU UNDERSTAND.

I started to play the violin only when I was 16, and prior to that, I've been learning piano since I was 7. I dunno about others but to me, it was a very late start. Some people came to me and told me "oh you started so late and you're so good already you must be really talented". The truth is, no. I progressed quickly because I have a strong piano and musical theory background. It's easy for me only because I already have the basics in my finger muscles and my brains. If there are people out there who are good even when they started late and they didn't have any sort of basics prior to that, those you can call them talented, but not me.

I realised how much I like playing the violin more than piano after about 2-3 years learning it, which was the reason why I chose it over piano as my first study instrument when I did my degree. 

I learned under a very good Norwegian teacher, but he left after teaching me for about a year. After that, I was under some amature teacher. I said amature because he wasn't bad, but just not a good one. Don't get me wrong, I've never considered myself as a good teacher either. I'm still learning but I do not teach half-heartedly unless the students themselve are learning half-heartedly. I wouldn't even bother screaming at students if I didn't really care about their learning progress. 

Anyway, I learned under that amature teacher for about a year or so before I went to Form 6 and stopped. I wanted to continue learning. I did, off and on cos I was already working part time and I was paying the fees myself so at times when I didn't have enough money,  I had to stop.

My learning progress can be considered a mess cos I didn't learn, play or practice constantly all because of studies and work and obviously, money. I didn't want to ask money from my parents for reasons I do not have to mention here.

When I did my degree in UM, I admit I slacked a lot and I never learn to prioritize. I was working a lot more, more than I should be cos I needed the money especially that 2 years I stayed out. I had to support my room's rent, phone bills, food and miscellaneous things myself. My dad only gave me enough to cover petrol. Even the furnitures in my room was paid with my own money.  With classes and work filling up my time, I didn't have enough time to practice.

This may all seem like some bunch of nicely made up excuses, but they happened. The only mistake I admit making is I didn't know how to prioritize earlier when I should be - I should have not worked so much and practice more when I still had the time to, and because of that now I'm compensating for it.

The reason I don't want to occupy all my time to work, is because I need them to practice.

FYI, profesional musicians practice at least 8 HOURS EVERY SINGLE DAY. And I said at least. If I were to work, I'll get home feeling tired and lazy already. Where do I even get that kind of time and energy to practice? 

If I had a choice I would have stopped working altogether, that gives me more time. The only reason I'm still working is because I need the money to pay for my lesson fees. My lesson costs RM 120 PER LESSON of only an hour, if you should know. It probably wouldn't be a problem to some people but to people like me who has to to work to pay it off, it is. 

What if I stopped learning and just teach full time now? I'll definitely be earning a lot more, probably enough to open a centre of my own but that's probably the only thing I can do for the rest of my life. AND THAT'S NOT WHAT I WANT TO DO FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE. 

I'm not someone who's into business. I can't manage anything to save a life. And I don't want to teach and take only 60% commision all my life. 

I want to be on the stage playing - whether it's with people in an orchestra, or solo. I want to be really good in what I do. I don't want to be one of those people who goes by the saying "Those who can't do, teach." . I REALLY DON'T WANT TO BE LIKE THAT. I want to be able to teach, AND perform. I want to be the one who takes RM 120 per lesson of an hour.

There you have it, my goal. And to achieve that, first I need to buck up on my technicalities and skills. And to achieve that, I need A WHOE LOT OF TIME to practice. And to achieve that, I obviously cannot work that much. The amount of money I earn from work is enough to cover my lesson fees. And because of that, how can anyone expect me to have a certain amount of savings, pay for a car, house or insurance, or even give to my parents?

I seriously hope my parents and the rest of the people who think I'm a bummer reads this and understand my situation. Then again, they probably wouldn't cos sometimes people are just too stubborn and money-minded. I mean, I am money-minded myself, this is a material world who are we kidding? But I do have my own passion and I don't want to live a boring and uninteresting, mediocre life later. I want to live my life doing something I'm passionate about even if it means I cannot earn much.

Vlog "Tag: What's in my bag?"

My favourite parts of the conversation we had tonight:

- Wei Kiat - says:
i got a lot of blackheads la
how to clear them out

Ee V❤n - Am I ever gonna be good enough? says:
get blackheads remover la
when u come back we find together

Ee V❤n - Am I ever gonna be good enough? says:
i'm lucky that i don have la
i got whiteheads which are not very obvious also

- Wei Kiat - says:
is mine very the obvious?

Ee V❤n - Am I ever gonna be good enough? says:
er...

- Wei Kiat - says:
means yes lo

Ee V❤n - Am I ever gonna be good enough? says:
err..

- Wei Kiat - says:
bleh

Ee V❤n - Am I ever gonna be good enough? says:
hihihi

Ee V❤n - Am I ever gonna be good enough? says:
but i like
lalala

- Wei Kiat - says:
wtf lithat oso u like

Ee V❤n - Am I ever gonna be good enough? says:
wtf
cos it's on ur face what can i do
wtf
HAHAHHAHAHA

- Wei Kiat - says:
means u prefer don hav

Ee V❤n - Am I ever gonna be good enough? says:
no la
it doesn't bother me also
i like u not because of ur face or anything also
wtf

- Wei Kiat - says:
naha nahahahanahhanaahha

Ee V❤n - Am I ever gonna be good enough? says:
nahahah?
wtf

- Wei Kiat - says:
dunno wat fuck la

Ee V❤n - Am I ever gonna be good enough? says:
wtf
u always make me lol
i like

=)

And this,

Ee V❤n - Am I ever gonna be good enough? says:
fuck la stomok ekk

- Wei Kiat - says:
hahahha
so cute the spelling

Ee V❤n - Am I ever gonna be good enough? says:
heheheh
u understood!

- Wei Kiat - says:
hihihi of coz

and this,

Ee V❤n - Am I ever gonna be good enough? says:
i know u like girls dress up one
not thick makeup

- Wei Kiat - says:
i love u

Ee V❤n - Am I ever gonna be good enough? says:
presentable
some sexiness

- Wei Kiat - says:
u know me too well

Ee V❤n - Am I ever gonna be good enough? says:
lalaal
of course la
cos i'm the example
WTF
HAHAHHAAHHA

- Wei Kiat - says:
yay!!
collek

and this,

Ee V❤n - Am I ever gonna be good enough? says:
ya real smart ppl don't talk about the things they study so often one

- Wei Kiat - says:
yet they know more n do better job

Ee V❤n - Am I ever gonna be good enough? says:
like me wtf
but i'm not smart la. i really dunno that's why don't talk about it HHAHAHAH

- Wei Kiat - says:
wtf
nth to say
all u say finish liao

Ee V❤n - Am I ever gonna be good enough? says:
hihihi
i'm just trying to be funny

- Wei Kiat - says:
dumb or smart u define eveyrthing liao

Ee V❤n - Am I ever gonna be good enough? says:
i think caffeine high

- Wei Kiat - says:
hihhiihi
i know

and this,

Ee V❤n - Am I ever gonna be good enough? says:
my phone almost no crdit
why ah
i tot u holiday d
work ah
oooh yahor

- Wei Kiat - says:
work ah
everyday

Ee V❤n - Am I ever gonna be good enough? says:
ok luckily i answer first
means i know u
unlike u
sometimes u dunno one

- Wei Kiat - says:
if not no money to pay off everything

Ee V❤n - Am I ever gonna be good enough? says:
so not understanding
hm

- Wei Kiat - says:
bleh

Ee V❤n - Am I ever gonna be good enough? says:
HAHHAHAHAH

- Wei Kiat - says:
saje wanna kena me
bleh

Ee V❤n - Am I ever gonna be good enough? says:
lalalala

- Wei Kiat - says:
my wan so easy
work means eveyrdya work chieh

Ee V❤n - Am I ever gonna be good enough? says:
wtf
mine very hard meh
weekends only ma
u knew all these while every friday i got work
dunit fight one
cos i'll win in the end
HAHAHAHAHHAHAH

- Wei Kiat - says:
hahhahahah
okla, white flag
nite

Ee V❤n - Am I ever gonna be good enough? says:
HAHAHHAHHA

and this, (last one I promise)

Ee V❤n - Am I ever gonna be good enough? says:
nice armpit hair
wtf

- Wei Kiat - says:
u don hav
hehehhe

- Wei Kiat - says:
but i like u don hav
hihihi

Ee V❤n - Am I ever gonna be good enough? says:
of cos la wtf
wah that means everytime i don shave u don like la
HAHAHHAHAHH

- Wei Kiat - says:
nola
ok sleep

Hahahah I like to bully him. I like it when he's speechless and gives up when jokingly arguing with me =D

Gosh I miss him so much.

Ok a video tag cos I'm feeling random.

bb

My Wish

I'm in a lovey dovey mood now so if you can't stand stuffs like that, don't bother reading.

I was reading The Time Traveler's Wife and came upon this page which talks about how much Clare wants to chop her hair off but can't because Henry loves it and then she says she will miss it but it's just so much effort. It felt so familiar reading all that because, for the longest time I have always wanted to cut my hair short (when my hair was super duper long) and when I say short, I mean super short. Has anyone ever noticed how long my hair used to be?


Crap would you look at that? It reached my hips. My freakin' hips.

And honestly, I do miss it T_T

Not that my hair's super short now. It's heavily layered and the length still remained about the same but it doesn't look as long as it was, like in that picture anymore just because it's much thinner now. The reason I kept the length is because, like Clare, I know I will definitely miss it and also, Wk loves my long hair (he tells me that, I didn't assume this myself ok) and I know he'll definitely be upset if I cut it short.

Anyway, I must say, having it layered has been the best thing I could do for my hair cos all my split ends are now gone, it's more manageable, it doesn't tangle as much, it's easier to comb and the best part is I still get to keep the length eventhough it might not look as long as before :)

Ok I know, that's like totally random. I just thought I would share that small part of that novel here cos I can relate to it so much. That book has been ok. I won't say it's as interesting as Life of Pi but I do enjoy reading it. It's so freakin' thick lah 500 pages wtf. Probably need another month or two to finish it cos I only do about 8-10 pages a day.

Ok that aside, I have been missing Wk so damn freakin' much these few days. We skype/msn /webcam almost every single day. We sometimes wake each other up. And the best part is, we motivate each other to do what we're supposed to do - I'm supposed to practice, he's supposed to work on his design. And I must say, having him around is sooooo much better cos otherwise, I won't even bother to take my violin out!

Everytime I look at him in my laptop's screen, I think of the day we're going to live together, in OUR apartment, OUR room, OUR kitchen, OUR bed, OUR computer (haha next time about this), OUR place. And it just motivates me to want to work hard and just get freakin' get accepted by the university.

The next time I go to Melbourne, I'm expecting to say... "OUR" apartment instead of "HIS" apartment, or "HIS" bed. The next time I we wish each other "good morning nigga" (inside joke), I want to be able to laugh right in front of him and not just typing "ha ha ha" and punch 'Enter' on the keyboard. And the next time I expect all these, is next year.

The more I think about all these, the more I want to practice, and the more I think about all these, the more I'm afraid of rejection. It's stressing me out seriously.

This is not just a diploma or a degree. It's a master studies. It's not something you can apply by sending in a bunch of papers and forms and whatnot. I sometimes wonder if I'm actually fit, or good enough to apply. A lot of people tell me I can do it and I can get in and all that. I know everyone's being nice but whether they really think I am good enough, I don't know. What I know is I want to just do my best, and apply and hope for the best.

But I constantly think about a lot of 'what if's. What if I get rejected?

I cannot take rejection. At all. Not at this stage now. He has given up the contract and hasn't even found a new accomodation, all because he's expecting me. How can I even deal with a rejection when I'm thrown with all these expectations?

Another reason to not being able to handle rejection is that I seriously cannot stand this LDR any longer anymore.

I just want to stay beside him and have someone to touch my hair. I just want to stay beside him and have someone to keep me warm. I just want to stay beside him and have someone to tell me how much he loves me everyday, right to my face and not through the computer or phones. I'm just someone who's like many others out there, who needs her dose of affection everyday. I hope it's not too much to ask for.

Because I Think Replying To Your Comments Deserve One Whole Post =)

What a long title. But yeah.

I am so happy and I honestly feel so freakin' blessed to have readers/friends who are concerned about my insignificant and unnecessary worrying. I feel so happy to read all the long, long comments because it tells me one thing - you guys actually took the time to highlight it and read through that whole long crap and you guys cared! I feel so touched T____T I'm not saying this just to make me seem like I'm nice, seriously! Well, I AM nice anyway HAHAHA.

ShinD, awww actually it's not that I am snobbish or anything it's just that I'm not good at talking with new people so a lot of times, people don't actually find me friendly and some even think I look "angry" hence, unapproachable -_- but thank you for saying I was friendly to you =D

Ping, well you are damn right about everything but stepping out of my comfort zone... I still need a lot of time to master the art of it hehe. Anyway, I hope you're doing fine in the UK! I read your post about LDR. Like I've always said, have faith! You can do it too. =)

Maggie, wtf your comment cracked me up the most! But they're all so true! Yala yala I don't like you wtf. HAHAHA. Yeah, the only thing that I actually look forward there is of course Wk, and at least one of my besties, you, are there! =) Omg but NARS is sooooo overpriced at Australia T_T

Esther, dim gai you scold me bitch T___T LOL! Anyway, the thing is, IF I get accepted I most probably will continue staying there cos I most probably will try to get a job there... but yeah. To think it through I shouldn't be complaining since its not that the world's shutting off on me. Eh even if I have Wk and Maggie there I will definitely miss you one lar T____T

Fang Chin, wah short and sweet hahaah! I like! Actually it's not about me wanting or not anymore, but more like can I make it? T___T

Laughing, haahahahah with you it's all about gossiping! Thanks for the encouraging words! I will =)

I guess afterall, I shouldn't be complaining because really, there isn't any problem. Well, like I said, I only wanted to ramble a little. Thanks again for the great comments, everyone! =)

On a totally unrelated note, here're the pieces that I'll be preparing for the audition:

Vivaldi's Winter Concerto
Beethoven's Spring Sonata
Wieniawski's Romance
Stravinsky's Russian Maiden's Song

I hope it's up to standard... Luckily I have Wk there because he helped me to ask the International Admissions' Officer directly and cleared all the confusion I had. The deadline's on Christmas Eve, I'll be submitting my application early November. I've even called my accompanist (who's a really good one btw, and expensive too T___T) and I was so glad that she said ok cos I was told that she's busy all the time and I was a little worried if she cannot help me. And another great news is that I don't have to submit in a video format, just an audio will do. Which is a great relief cos then I don't have to worry about tripods, sound balancing and whatevers. Now, where can I find a good sound recorder...

Haihhhhh

I know I said I won't be updating as often but here I am. I've been feeling really restless for the longest time. It's about application to study Masters at University of Melbourne. I have soooooo many mixed thoughts about this. Like SOOOOO many. Or maybe I should say SOOOOO much. A part of me wants to get accepted, a part of me doesn't. I'm pretty sure most of you know why I want to get accepted and I'm pretty sure most of you don't know why I DON'T want to get accepted. Yes, I've been keeping it to myself. I won't hide from everyone that the very main reason to me even wanting to apply to that university, is to stop my long distance relationship with Wk. I know, if we want to make it work, shouldn't he be doing something too, right? The thing is, he has done so much for me that I can never ask for more. I most of the time brag about the good things he has done for me, good things he got me etc etc but those are actually only like a small part of what he did or has been doing. Crap did I just bragged again? Cos the only reason I don't talk about EVERYTHING is to not sound like I'm bragging. Ok that aside, let me just let you all know the reason I even want to go to Melbourne and study is not because I love that place. Not that I hate it, I like that place and the only reason I'm liking it is because Wk's there and I'm serious. I don't want to lie to everyone and say that place is beautiful I love the people the weather blablabla when really, to think it through, if I were to be there by myself I would have hated it. So yes, my only reason to go there isn't really because I wanted to study, but to be with him. The reason I don't want to be accepted is not entirely because I don't want to study either. It's because I am afraid of the new surrounding and the new environment again. I have to once again, face new people, make new friends (hopefully, because I'm actually the last person anyone will call 'friendly'), learn new things. And besides, it's not Malaysia where I'm familiar of the culture and everything else. It's a totally new place, new culture. I am tired of building a new comfort zone. 3 years ago when I first went into uni, it took me about half a year to find people that I'm comfortable with. For about a month or two, I was all alone. And I hated it. I hated the part where I had to be alone on everything when everywhere I turn, I see people having a friend beside them to talk to. Even people only knew each for not long. I am not good at socializing at all. I am afraid of facing all that once again. I feel really happy with my group of friends from highschool and uni that I have found, that I am really comfortable and can be myself with. Esther, Wai Tuck, Cat, Adelle, Cheng Choo, Jian, Chooi Yin. Honestly, I am afraid of trying new things. I don't have the guts, I admit. I'm very much a stick-to-comfort-zone kind of girl. Besides all that fear on a completely new environment, I am worried of my youngest sister too. My other sister is at Sabah doing her degree, if I leave next year, my brother might leave for the UK in September. Then it'll be her alone at home. The thought of her being alone makes me sad. Also, another reason that I'm feeling so restless now is that, what if I don't get accepted? Money will be wasted. And not just my application fees or my violin lesson or accompaniment charges. Because Wk's foreseeing me there next year, he has cancelled his contract with his current apartment just to look for another apartment to accommodate the both of us. But what if I don't get accepted!!! I feel so stressed =( I REALLY REALLY REALLY want to be there! And I'm REALLY REALLY REALLY afraid of being rejected. And I'm REALLY REALLY REALL scared of new environment, and going through the 'alone' phase again. And if I go, I know that I will REALLY REALLY REALLY miss everything back home.

I want, and at the same time don't want it. Why! =(

Ok. Enough of ramblings. I'm going to sleep now.

Bully

I was told something really shocking a few hours ago. Apparently, my sister has not many friends at school because her classmates think her hair's weird* and they refused to hang out with her. And I can so imagine people jeering and laughing at her hair. Assholes. She has this one friend (might be her ONLY friend), not sure a he or she, who does hang out with her and sometimes, under conditions. That so-called friend made my sis finish his/her homework and 'threaten' her that he/she will not hang out with her if my sis doesn't do his/her homework for him/her.

I was so shocked, I cried. I seriously don't know why. A sense of familiarity perhaps?

Not that I used to be ignored in school because I had funny hair but I do remember not having many friends around. Some days, I walked alone and ate alone during recess. And I also do remember trying really hard to please people just to get more friends. And by pleasing, I mean ways like what my sister's jerk friend did. And I can tell you, if you have not been in situations like that, you can never understand the kind of pain and misery I went through.

Anyway, that's not the point. The point is, I really need opinions on how I can help my sis now. Don't tell me to scold her friend because that'll mean losing her probably one and only friend. I was so shocked because I never thought things like this could happen to her because she has always been bubbly even after returning home from school. I found out all about these from my brother. I feel so bad as an older sister now =(

*It's very stiff and big, almost like having volumizing hairspray all over it and the strands are really dry and coarse. And you know all the Chinese schools' super freakin' ridiculous rule that girls must have ear-length short hair, it doesn't help at all because the shorter the hair, the bigger it gets. But seriously, I don't see any problem with that at all, it's not that she's balding or anything.

And just now when she was packing her schoolbag, she realised she left a stack of her homework books in the tuition centre. She probably asked my dad to something about it but instead of helping, he refused to and I think my sis probably asked a few times and got rejected cos after a while, she went on packing while crying really badly. And then, as if the matter's not bad enough, my parents went yelling at her telling her its her own fault and she should bear the responsibilities herself. And then my mom suddenly changed the whole topic and yelled at her about her hair saying it's so stiff and dry because she uses too much shampoo and that she doesn't take care of it.

Like what the fuck??? I am freaking sure you can't find any 9YO out there who actually knows anything about haircare! I myself did not! I'm pretty sure my mom too!

I don't understand why instead of thinking of a way to solve the matter, they prefer yelling and making people feel like total crap.

It's not like my sis has been forgetting to keep her books. It's her freakin' first time! And for goodness sake, it's a whole bunch of her homeworks which she probably needs to submit tomorrow! And again, we all know Chinese schools' super freakin' ridiculous school teachers who spank their kids in whatever shit they do e.g. talking too loudly, talking too much, forgetting to bring books, forgetting to complete homeworks and whatnot.

It's not that she forgot 1 book, 1 subject or 1 homework. She forgot one whole stack! Yes it clearly is her own fault but hello? Have they no pity on a just a 9YO?

If I were to have finished ALL my homework already and still got spanked just because I forgot to bring them to school and my parents would not want to help me no matter how much I begged and how hard I cried, I would totally feel like crap and cry a river too. She is after all, only a 9YO girl.

But yeah, that's my parents. Me and my other siblings were all raised the hard way. Yelling all the way. Which pretty much explains why, we don't really talk to our parents. Unless its the essentials like school fees, allowances and stuffs. Otherwise, pretty much nothing.

I'm not saying I don't love them and they don't love us as their children. I'm just a little heartbroken to see a scenario like this. Its like seeing the past of myself.

But anyway, do leave me your opinion.

I Miss You Already

It's 2.30am here now (sounds weird, can't figure if it should be the other way round - "now here"?) and Wk's at the living room working away with his design stuffs while I'm here bumming. My flight's tomorrow at 1.45 am. I know, that's a crazy late flight and I picked it on purpose. I always pick the latest flight on Thursdays because my work basically begins on Friday afternoons. I try my best to maximize the amount of time I'm here, with him. And I think its quite evident already that I'm sad and emotional right now. This visiting thing's like a drug. You get euphoric temporarily and suffer when the effect withdraws from your system. The higher you get, the harder you fall. And yet, people still do it. I still do it. As much as I love being here, being in my comfort zone, being in the arms of the person I love and have been missing, I hate it when I need to leave. Everything feels like a sweet dream - short and sweet. I can really go crazy if this shitty LDR keeps going on.

And it's so funny now that I find myself living to the lyrics of Aerosmith's 'I Don't Wanna Miss A Thing' where it goes like "I don't wanna fall asleep cos I'd miss you babe, and I don't wanna miss a thing...". At this hour I could've probably slept away but somehow I don't want to sleep just because he's not, yet. What a corny situation eh? Heh.

Ok. I'll just go practice my violin. Yeah. At 2.30am. Haha.

Busted

So, I let the cat out of the bag. And it's all because of my carelessness. :(

On the 22nd of September, I planned to fly to Melbourne and give Wk a birthday surprise. His birthday's on the 23rd but my flight will be arriving at 11.30pm so by the time I get to him it'll pass midnight and it'll be the 23rd already. So I was supposed to appear at his doorstep, and scream 'surprise!' and all that stuff. And of course, all these were supposed to be a secret until that day. I've even bought my flight tickets more than 2 months ago prior to this thing.

Guess what? Yes, it accidentally slipped and he found out. But that's not the worst part. The worst part is he already knew since June, since I was there in Melbourne!

Argggghh it's so frustrating ok! I tried soooo hard keeping this secret since June and there were a few times I almost got busted but luckily still managed to save the situation but what happened yesterday definitely was of no chance of survival T_____T

So I've talked about my drama with IDP and all. Yesterday I received an email from one of the agents and I finally got my answer (bad news, need audition T_T) and we discussed about quite some stuffs and in that email, I also mentioned that I'll be going to Melbourne on the 22nd of September. When Wk was home, I wanted to tell him what the agent and I discussed about so I was lazy to explain, I FORWARDED THE WHOLE THING IN THAT EMAIL TO HIM!

Yes. Please call me stupid now.

So he was reading reading reading and all of a sudden he went, "HM??!" and I even stupidly asked, "What's that sound?" wtf.

Then he asked, "you coming on the 22nd?"

And I was dumbfounded for like 10 seconds and looked at him in the video and screamed "OHHHHHHHH MY GODDDDDDDDDD" and he too started screaming and laughing hysterically.

The whole situation was crazy. We were like two maniacs howling at each other. Wtf. We were so loud my sister came into the room to check out what was wrong.

And after about 10 minutes of complete craziness, we finally settled down and he smiled slyly saying, "Actually I knew. Since June. Hihihihi"

WHAT THE EFFFFFFF!

I couldn't believe it! Which means all these while my effort in hiding it was actually in vain!!! I asked him how but he refused to tell and I finally figured it out. During the first few days I was at Melbourne, I was frequently chatting with my sister because I asked her to help me purchase my flight ticket. And there were a few times I was being very defensive and refused to let him read what/who I was chatting about/with.

And then he told me "when you left soooo many things behind before going back, I was even more sure already" T___________T

Ok the end.

- Wei Kiat - says:
u coming 22sept?
hahahahahahahahhahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

u plan to surprise me wan ar

Stupid, know already some more ask.

- Wei Kiat - says:
mmmmmmm
i very happy wan la
so much effort u made to make this possibl
this is like a super birthday present okay

Ee V♥n says:
cheh
u knew
so u knew this was gonna be ur b'day present laaaa

- Wei Kiat - says:
er, dunno wor
maybe got more
heheheheh

Ee V♥n says:
WTF
SIOW LANG

- Wei Kiat - says:
lalallalala
its not no surprise
but i received the surprise earlier oni ma

Ee V♥n says:
u din receive
u guessed it
CORRECTLY
like every other timeeee

- Wei Kiat - says:
muuaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaak

I just remembered. There's once, I posted on my Twitter "september september, come quickly!!! i can't wait any longer T_T" and I didn't think he'd read it!!! Cos he doesn't check my Twitter but I forgot it'll be posted on my blog! Then he even came and asked me "What's with September"! WTF actually he knew but he still asked!

- Wei Kiat - says:
i love love love love u
actually i wanted to just pretend i dunno wan
but its just popping out here n there occasionally
heheehhe
but to be honest, it makes me very happy

Ee V♥n says:
when you find it most obvious

- Wei Kiat - says:
its great seeing ur smile like this hehehe
todya la
send me an email with it saying u coming wtf
how to ignore

No wonder he KEPPPPT asking me what I am going to give him for his birthday and every single time I asked what he wants he'd answer me, "You" WTF IT'S A FREAKIN' HINT!

Haihhhh. I feel like slapping myself. T_T Well, looking on the brighter side, at least now I don't have to think about getting a cab and go to his place myself and worry about the driver being a complete idiot not knowing how to get to his place. Or how am I going to appear at his doorstep with the security system of his apartment where you need a card to be able to get in.

Ok end of story.

*******

So back to my enquiry. Finally, I got the answer. If only they had asked for me earlier, I don't have to wait this long or even go to the useless Postgraduate Fair to get a confirmed answer. Have I told about a freakin' stupid response email the representative sent? Later.

Then again, I'm actually not too sure if the answer given's really the right one. I saw the name of the guy who replied the agent cos she forwarded the whole thing to me. I went to Melbourne Uni Music Faculty's staff and administration site and checked, I don't see his name. I don't know why, but I have this feeling that all these people just don't wanna take too much time to find out, they simply say a yes by assuming anyone who wants to study music will have to go through an audition.

I have this mindset that, unless someone from the Music Faculty answers me, I will not believe in anyone else's statement. Simply because other people won't know a shit about it.

I just need an explaination on what's stated in the website. And also someone right, who knows every top to toe of the music courses, to answer my simple question.

Luckily, I have Wk who's stuyding in Melbourne U now, he's helping me to call and ask about all the things I want to know next week. And he's gonna pretend to be my brother wtf. He said only by saying that can he be more persistent with them.

Seriously, everything's so confusing that even the application deadline's all messed up! I checked the website, it says September. But the IDP agent told me December. WTF???

Oh remember I went to the Postgraduate Fair in IDP and met a representative who promised to email me back but never ever did? On that day I made a complaint to IDP, I got an email from her, it says "Response Email" and I clicked and guess what? NO ANSWER. No nothing. Just a stupid "thank you for visitting blablabla" kinda email and she posted a link saying we can get her through it if we need to meet her. I clicked. It's a freakin' useless link. There's no helpful info AT ALL.

So damn ridiculous la.

********

Wk and I were talking about his accomodation plans just now. I'll most probably apply in October and most probably only can get an answer in December. The problem now is whether he should stay back in Melbourne and move out before he comes back to Malaysia. But the bigger problem is, what if I cannot get accepted. The reason he's moving out is because I am going over. His current apartment is only for one person. And that place sucks anyway. But if he cannot decide earlier whether or not to continue his contract, might need to waste a lot of money covering the rents.

Haiihh. Everything's so messed up.

Thank You

Just now while Esther and I were in my car on the way to Aeon, we saw a man on his motorcycle. It caught our sights because he had a kid behind him. That kid was really tiny and was at the back, holding to the man. What's more horrifying was that the kid was not wearing a helmet. And to make things worse, it was raining.

And suddenly I felt so thankful that I'm born with all the luck I can get.

I'm lucky because at least, I have a car to drive around. I'm lucky to be born in this family, being showered with all the love and protection I can get. I'm lucky that I have the money to watch a movie with my friends.

As we passed by that motorcycle, we both were complaining to each other how irresponsible the father was.

Then again, I came home and thought, what if it's because the father had no choice? What if it's because the father couldn't afford another helmet for his kid? What if it's because the father didn't have time the to stop some where and wait for the rain to stop before he continues riding to wherever he was heading to?

Sometimes we tend to complain and judge about other people so much because we simply do not realise that there is more than what meets the eye.

Today I learnt that instead of wasting the time and effort to judge and talk about other people, I should really be grateful and be thankful that I am blessed with a loving family, friends and boyfriend who are always there to provide me shelter, love and protection.

I may not believe in the existence of God, but I believe in karma and I believe I may have been good in the past and that is why, I shall always be blessed with everything I need. I will never complain about my life anymore because I know, I am far more lucky if compared to that little kid who had to hold on to his dad on that motorcycle, under the rain. My life may not be perfect, but it's beautiful when I have so many beautiful people around me to show me about life. Beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder; beauty to me is there when there's happiness and joy.

And I am really, really thankful for that. I'm thankful for what I have right now, right at this moment.