Practice & Basics

Finally got these two books from Chambers Music yesterday. And now I'm half a grand poorer T___T 

I hate how a lot of music books are so fucking expensive and inaccessible here in Malaysia. If it's possible I always try my best to not advocate photocopying but the price and availability sometimes give me no option. Also, I was a student myself (still am) and I know how it feels to be burdened by the need to spend so much on music books. Even if you're not spending your money on it, your parents are. I don't know about others, but when I had to ask money from my parents to buy music books, I remember nothing except them yelling at how expensive they were.

Anyway, Ive read a couple of pages from the books. Very informative indeed. I'd say these are great books for violin teachers as well as students.

This is why I graduated with a degree but I'm still not working.

I'm writing this because it's getting very frustrating everytime people come up to me and talk about job related stuffs just because I've graduated with a degree and also partly because my application for master studies got rejected. And most people think upon graduating one should be working full time already, earning a steady income, have a certain amount in your savings, and maybe paying installments for car, house, insurance and whatnot. What's frustrating is how they can never EVER ever understand my dilemma and how I'm stuck in a situation where things are not going the typical way.

If you've never learned any kind of musical instrument, or if you've learned but have never been passionate about learning a musical instrument, you'll never know that learning to play an instrument is a never ending process. A lot of people (especially parents and people who don't learn to play anything) think that music stops at the very commonly mentioned GRADE 8.

So that makes them think that obtaining a Grade 8 certificate from whatever exam board means one has completed learning music and there's nothing there to be learned anymore - as though you've a language course or something. That I can totally understand cos if you're not that passionate about music or you've never properly learned music, you won't even know that there are still 3 more Diploma Certificates to go. But there are also people who think that music stops after that 3rd Diploma. And there are even people who think that you stop learning after you've gotten a music degree.

Oh my god. You know, once and for all, I think everyone should know by now that music is a never ending process! In fact, EDUCATION and LEARNING is a never ending process! Having a music degree doesn't mean there's nothing else to be learned anymore! I'm not talking about going up to masters, or doctorate and stuffs. I'm talking about technical and practical stuffs, not theories and researches. About learning to play the instrument from a teacher.

Since graduation, I now only teach for 2 days in a week, not even 2 full days. And a lot of people are kind of making a big fuss about it - those who would NEVER understand that is. And now, I want to FREAKING MAKE YOU UNDERSTAND.

I started to play the violin only when I was 16, and prior to that, I've been learning piano since I was 7. I dunno about others but to me, it was a very late start. Some people came to me and told me "oh you started so late and you're so good already you must be really talented". The truth is, no. I progressed quickly because I have a strong piano and musical theory background. It's easy for me only because I already have the basics in my finger muscles and my brains. If there are people out there who are good even when they started late and they didn't have any sort of basics prior to that, those you can call them talented, but not me.

I realised how much I like playing the violin more than piano after about 2-3 years learning it, which was the reason why I chose it over piano as my first study instrument when I did my degree. 

I learned under a very good Norwegian teacher, but he left after teaching me for about a year. After that, I was under some amature teacher. I said amature because he wasn't bad, but just not a good one. Don't get me wrong, I've never considered myself as a good teacher either. I'm still learning but I do not teach half-heartedly unless the students themselve are learning half-heartedly. I wouldn't even bother screaming at students if I didn't really care about their learning progress. 

Anyway, I learned under that amature teacher for about a year or so before I went to Form 6 and stopped. I wanted to continue learning. I did, off and on cos I was already working part time and I was paying the fees myself so at times when I didn't have enough money,  I had to stop.

My learning progress can be considered a mess cos I didn't learn, play or practice constantly all because of studies and work and obviously, money. I didn't want to ask money from my parents for reasons I do not have to mention here.

When I did my degree in UM, I admit I slacked a lot and I never learn to prioritize. I was working a lot more, more than I should be cos I needed the money especially that 2 years I stayed out. I had to support my room's rent, phone bills, food and miscellaneous things myself. My dad only gave me enough to cover petrol. Even the furnitures in my room was paid with my own money.  With classes and work filling up my time, I didn't have enough time to practice.

This may all seem like some bunch of nicely made up excuses, but they happened. The only mistake I admit making is I didn't know how to prioritize earlier when I should be - I should have not worked so much and practice more when I still had the time to, and because of that now I'm compensating for it.

The reason I don't want to occupy all my time to work, is because I need them to practice.

FYI, profesional musicians practice at least 8 HOURS EVERY SINGLE DAY. And I said at least. If I were to work, I'll get home feeling tired and lazy already. Where do I even get that kind of time and energy to practice? 

If I had a choice I would have stopped working altogether, that gives me more time. The only reason I'm still working is because I need the money to pay for my lesson fees. My lesson costs RM 120 PER LESSON of only an hour, if you should know. It probably wouldn't be a problem to some people but to people like me who has to to work to pay it off, it is. 

What if I stopped learning and just teach full time now? I'll definitely be earning a lot more, probably enough to open a centre of my own but that's probably the only thing I can do for the rest of my life. AND THAT'S NOT WHAT I WANT TO DO FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE. 

I'm not someone who's into business. I can't manage anything to save a life. And I don't want to teach and take only 60% commision all my life. 

I want to be on the stage playing - whether it's with people in an orchestra, or solo. I want to be really good in what I do. I don't want to be one of those people who goes by the saying "Those who can't do, teach." . I REALLY DON'T WANT TO BE LIKE THAT. I want to be able to teach, AND perform. I want to be the one who takes RM 120 per lesson of an hour.

There you have it, my goal. And to achieve that, first I need to buck up on my technicalities and skills. And to achieve that, I need A WHOE LOT OF TIME to practice. And to achieve that, I obviously cannot work that much. The amount of money I earn from work is enough to cover my lesson fees. And because of that, how can anyone expect me to have a certain amount of savings, pay for a car, house or insurance, or even give to my parents?

I seriously hope my parents and the rest of the people who think I'm a bummer reads this and understand my situation. Then again, they probably wouldn't cos sometimes people are just too stubborn and money-minded. I mean, I am money-minded myself, this is a material world who are we kidding? But I do have my own passion and I don't want to live a boring and uninteresting, mediocre life later. I want to live my life doing something I'm passionate about even if it means I cannot earn much.

Project 365, A Package & Plans

There'll be a breast cancer charity concert on this Saturday in UM. Rehearsals are everyday till late and by the time I get home I'm usually quite exhausted so the next day I'll be sleeping through the morning before leaving to uni for rehearsals. That explains the absence. I should be sleeping now but I decided to update a little.

My Project 365 has finally ended! It feels so weird when I looked at the picture I took exactly a year ago. Food from Wong Kok, I still remember clearly I was with Cat, and it was our final semester and we were very frequently eating together in SS2. Aah, nostalgia. I can't believe I have actually graduated for half a year and I'm jobless lol. I still teach but I don't have any full time job in hand. Which is a good (lots of time to practice) and bad (no money) thing apparently. Ok anyway, pictures next time.

Today I received a package from a friend I made in Youtube. I initially only expected a few things from her (some stuffs I bought from her and some stuffs she decided to give to me cos she has extra) but when I opened the packages up I was in awe cos she sent me so many things! Seriously, I can't believe there still are people as kind as her out there... T___T *touched. For you nosy people who are wondering, she sent me makeup products lah.

Last update, a pretty exciting one! =D It's ALMOST confirmed that I'll be going to Melbourne this December with Wk's family. I say almost cos the date's decided, everyone said ok, what's left is of course purchasing flight tickets. We're planning to visit Sydney again (for Wk and I) since his parents haven't been there. As for mid-year, I'll most probably go too but a shorter trip since I'll be going again in December. 

Actually now that I think about it again, getting rejected isn't as bad as I had initially put it. At least, I still am blessed with people who can sponsor me to go there LOL! And I figure I'll use this 1 year to think properly about my future - whether choosing to study Masters is even a necessity at all, or should I just stay here and keep learning and improve my skills and techniques. I'll be able to go anyhow, it's just a matter of sooner or later.

Dippy, Fran & Hi-Chew

Yay!:

I'm not feeling the best, but definitely better already. Thanks to everyone who showed concern =) Did some retail therapy today. Went out with Esther. Look what I bought!

 

From Forever 21, 3 tops, a pair of earrings and a necklace! I don't know what's with me, everything I picked has an abstract, floral motive! They all look like pieces of art. Water colour art. Tattoo. Graffitti. Aaah I love them. And thank goodness I didn't get everything in black otherwise, can't wear them for CNY. I have a tendency to buy clothes in black ALL THE TIME. So, surprise surprise. Actually not that I really care about the colour for CNY but I don't like people to nag me.

And also, the junkfood junkie in me got these as well:

 

I am OBSESSED with Japanese snacks. Seriously. Fran has completely replaced Pocky in me. It's wayyyy better. Dippy is the BEST biscuit sticks with dips everrrr. Forget Yan yan, if that's what it's called... Only those that I got - the ones with chocolate biscuit sticks are good. I've tried other 2 flavours, not as nice. And Hi-Chew candies! They're like Sugus (anyone still remember Sugus?) but much nicer!  Apple is the BEST flavour out of all that I've tried but we'll see. Cos I've gotten a few new flavours that I've never tried before like Peach, Daifuku and... I'll tell you in the next picture. Daifuku tastes like strawberry yoghurt. Not impressed. Haven't tried peach.

And guess what's the next flavour I got?

 

DURIAN WTFBBQ!

Seriously I wanted to laugh when I saw it! Isn't it funny? Durian flavoured chewy candy! I was really curious on how it'll taste so I got it. Actually it's not too bad but being a fan of durians, I'd say it tastes quite artificial. But I'm sure Esther will cringe when I offer this to her. Lol.

Boo!:

I STILL have not gotten over the fact that I was rejected. Honestly, I don't know if I would reapply. It's not something easy, like some of you may think. I spent a lot of money just to produce the audition CD. If I were to reapply, I would need to do it all over again. If you're wondering why wouldn't I use back the same CD, it's because hey, if you have time, wouldn't you want to make it better? If I decided to reapply, I'd rather reproduce everything than sending a lousy CD (which I got rejected with) and risk getting rejected again. It just wastes time - producing the CD and waiting for the reply. And in the end it only makes me feel like shit. Music is not as simple filling in the application forms and sending it and attend an interview. 

I know I've also made a mistake by not applying to a few other universities. My reason is I ONLY want to go to Melbourne U. And my reason to that is if there's a good school, why not?  If my qualification fits, why not? But looks like I'm not fit for it lah. I HAVE heard that the music school in Monash is not as good, which explains why. If I ever thought of applying again, I will definitely send my application to not only one university. If.

Random:

Besides crying, this rejection has made me think a lot. Will talk more about it once it's confirmed.

Thanks for reading people! 

x

Eev

-

Yay!:

After that news, there's nothing I was happy about already.

Boo!:

It happened so quickly. One minute, I received a package and was really excited but was turned down cos it's not from the uni but some stuffs I bought online a while ago. Then I received an email from an agent in IDP whom I've been dealing with all these while. I asked her for her help last week to see if the uni has sent any reply cos it's been more than 3 weeks since they received my application. When I saw that email from her, my heart skipped a bit and I started praying. Ok maybe not praying since I've never prayed. But I was hoping to see something good. Instead, these words "I'm sorry but your application is unsuccessful" made me stunned. I didn't feel as bad until I saw the PDF file, a scan of a supposingly the uni's letter to me which I've yet to receive.  I broke down little by little and have been crying nonstop that it's making everywhere hurts. My jaw, my nose, my eyes (its so swollen I can't even open it properly now haih) and my head. It's not that I don't want to stop crying. Everytime I think about another goodbye, it just shatters my heart. I admit part of the misery is because I have spent so much money just to prepare that fucking audition cd. To reapply, I need to spend another sum. And my dad always say I don't save money. How do I save my money when I need to pay for so many things each time? Those aren't the point anyway. Haih.

Random:

Just to hide my fugly crying face.

-

This is not a yay boo random post.

In case you are wondering, my application was rejected. I thought I could accept it when it happens since I did expect the worst scenario. I was wrong. I cannot. If you think I'm wallowing in self pity, yes I am. Let me, at least for now.

I don't know what to do next.

Now, We Wait.

Finally, after half a year of planning on applying to study in Uni of Melbourne, it's finally done yesterday. Something unexpected happened though. When I was waiting for the university's representative to waive the AUD100 assessment fee, I was told that it cannot be waived because my qualifications actually didn't meet the entry requirements. I was on the verge of throwing a fit because I couldn't believe what I heard. I have been preparing this for so long and I have even visited the IDP office more than twice, consulting the people there, telling them the exact course and only after I have spent so much of money and time getting everything ready, they told me I didn't have the right qualifications. Seriously, what the fuck.

I initially read from the website that the Masters in Music Studies only require a Bachelor's Degree in Art majoring in music, which was why I thought I was only eligible for only that course cos the rest require a Bachelor in Music, which is not what I have. It didn't specify exactly how long my course should have been so I took it that I actually qualify? Later on the representative told me that I actually need an Honors year, which means a 4th year of study to qualify myself for it. My degree was only 3 years. And there's no Honors year for it.

After some debating and some clarification, I decided to do the Postgradue Diploma instead. It's equivalent to an Honors year of study so by taking this, I'll be able to do any other Master studies in the future.

And my audition, thank goodness it didn't come out to be a waste of time and money. An audition CD of 30 minutes, which was what I have already prepared, was required so in the end all I had to do was just changing the course I wrote. And the assessment fee was waived too.

But the bad news is, because the closing date for application's Christmas Eve and IDP's next courier service is next Thursday which IS, Christmas Eve, I had to send my application out myself on that day itself. Went to DHL and paid RM170++ for everything and it's that expensive because there's a freakin' CD, my audition CD. Without it, it's only RM70++. KNN!!!

But yeah, application's finally done and now, I'll have to wait till next January or February to get their reply.

I twittered of not wanting to see IDP anymore. I'm taking that back. I hope I'll get to see them again cos the next time I need to see them, is when I actually get accepted.

My 2X-th Birthday :)

I got back after 2 long, long days and checked my Hotmail and saw " _2 New Messages" and I told Wk,

" Wtf I got _2 new messages! My inbox is always cleared wan! "

And he said,

" Sure kena spammed lo "

-______-

" Stupid, its birthday wishes laaaaaaa "

Anyway, _2 is a number with the first figure not revealed (isn't it obvious...) cos I don't want to sound like I'm bragging so you can guess all you want but seriously, I've never gotten so many messages before! All these while, my phone will keep buzzing or ringing due to incoming messages but no, I've not gotten even _2 SMSes as well. This year my phone only buzzed a few times. I think there's only about 10 birthday SMSes? And I was thinking sadly to myself, the older I get, the more people forget about me. Until I see _2 New Messages! Crazy!

Thank you so much everyone! Whether or not you wished me in advance, on the day itself or belated. I appreciate every wish cos it's always better to be late than never! =) That's why, I replied to each and every one of the wishes cos I honestly, sincerely, truly appreciate it!

Someone asked what I've wished for this year. I almost forgot about wishes that's because I didn't get a cake this year. My parents were out for a formal dinner so we didn't get a cake and sing a birthday song and blow candles. Heck even if there is a cake it's not that we ever make wishes anyway. Btw, this is NOT a hint to anyone to get me a cake ok.

So, usually I don't make wishes unless I celebrate it with friends who get me a cake or something. But if I were to wish, I wish my application will get accepted by Uni of Melbourne.

So far, I've gotten 3 presents and they are all stuffs I've mentioned in my Ee Von's Guide to Getting Gifts for Ee Von (wtf how did I even came up with such a self-obsessed title)! It's so crazy! I'm contemplating whether or not to talk about them presents cos again, I don't want to sound like I'm bragging but I so want to tell the world how great my friends are!! Argh should I or should I not?

Anyway the best present this year has got to be...

MY AUDITION CD IS FINALLY DONE!!!

And a better news is I don't have to spend a diamond on it! I mean, it's not free of course but the amount is so much lesser than what I was expecting so that's a GOOD GOOD GOOD news ok! I am so freaking excited and happy and sleepy at the same time.

Seriously, it got so freaking hectic that I've been having 2 cups of coffee everyday.

And I can't even sleep now until I get all my application stuffs prepared! Will be heading to IDP tomorrow to get it done and over with! And then I'll hang around in some mall with Wk and waste time before I go back home and...

SLEEP AT LEAST 12 FREAKING HOURS I'M SERIOUS.

Itchy Belly

These few days I've been absent mindedly scratching my tummy, right underneath my navel cos it has been so freakin' itchy. I've scratched it so often that that a brown patch is formed and I could even feel bumps and it is STILL itchy even now. Moments ago, I finally took a look at what's going on and figured out what was the problem: it's my freakin' navel stud. I've been wearing it for the longest time now sometimes I don't even remember having it there even though it's a dangling one. It has seriously been there for years, I just never bother replacing it with a non-dangling one. Just now, I turned the 'pendant' around and noticed that...

jeng jeng jeng...

it is RUSTED oh my freakin' god!

It's not as bad as how I exaggerated lah, it's the early stage of the rusting process. There are only brown fine dots. It's not like the whole thing turning into a completely brown thing! That's crazy ok. So anyway, I've decided to take it off and replace with a non-dangling one. Feels kinda weird now, cos now it feels like there's nothing there anymore.

Ok. Just something really random I feel like typing down.

Regarding the recording of my audition CD, it's still not done =(

I was so naive and stupid to have thought that it could be done within 2 hours. Well, it COULD have been if I could play better, or just accept things easily and stop being unsatisfied all the time. Next session is scheduled to next Tuesday, which is the same day Wei Kiat's coming back. And hopefully, that'll be the last session before it gets edited and be ready for my application. Having my accompanist come for so many days to do so many takes of fail recording, I seriously cannot imagine how much he is going to charge me. Seriously hope he can 手下留情 (sau har lau cheng)...

On another note, 3 more days!!! And hopefully, I don't have to do stupid countdowns anymore next year...

Btw, somebody asked me where's my wishlist lol! You know who you are nyehehe. Ok, I'll try to do it soon but it's really hard cos most stuffs that I really really want at the moment are not easy on anyone's wallet hahah and I don't want to sound like I'm expecting things as well! I admit I am a very materialistic person, this is a material world what do you expect? Of course I'll be glad to receive but... I don't want to be seen like I'm such a thick skinned person who expects people to buy me things, you know what I mean? Hrm... I don't know exactly how to describe but yeah, I'll do it really soon. Maybe I won't call it a wishlist but more like a... "Ee Von's Guide to Getting Presents for Ee Von" HAHAAHHAHHA omg it sounds completely self-obsessed! But yeah I figured a 'guide' sounds so much better than a wishlist cos I have so many ridiculous wishes.

Time to sleep now.

Economical & Just Nice VS Expensive & Perfect

Ok. It's finally decided.

My very kind lecturer agreed to let me use his sound recording devices/softwares so I'm saving money on recording my audition. If any of you have been following my twitter, I mentioned,

"should i choose something 'economical & just nice' or something 'expensive & perfect'?"

I was actually talking about recording my audition. I have been really worried and stressed out with deciding the right way to record my audition. Initially, I thought of using the regular sound recorder and go to one of the practice studios in uni and get it done. Then I realised that the sound quality may not be the best. In fact, it may even turn out to be bad. Then I consulted one of the music major in Uni of Melbounre who happens to found my blog and know my situation, and who very kindly dropped me a message too. She told me it's best to record it in a recording studio. Which at first, seemed like a good option but not until I realised I actually need a recording studio which has a piano.

Being an instrumentalist is not something everyone should be envious of. Do you know how much I had to spend just for this audition? I had to attend violin lessons. Approximately RM 100-120 per lesson. I had to rehearse with my accompanist. RM 100 per hour of rehearsal. And renting a recording studio, I'm not sure of the rates but I heard it can be from RM 100 - 500 (or more?) per hour depending on which studio I go to. And it gets more expensive when I'm using a studio which provides a piano. I need not just "a piano". I actually need "a grand piano", or anything that's equivalent to decent. That again marks up the price.

Sorry I digressed. So, a few days ago I went back to uni to just catch up with Cat and a lecturer and I told him about my situation and he suggested I do it in uni cos there's a recording studio in uni, and it's more 'economical' lol. I didn't think of uni at first even when I knew there is a recording studio with sufficient recording devices/softwares cos the studio is a very small one and there isn't any proper piano in it. The only way to do the recording in uni, is to shift all the devices to one of the studios which has a decent grand piano. And the good news is, he agreed to do so.

=)

So I've chosen the 'economical and just nice' option simply because I think it'll most likely be the same anyway just that I'm paying so much more for a more established and well-facilitated studio. The sound quality probably will be better but seriously, this is only an audition. It's not like I'm producing an album or anything like that.

The schedule is I'll be at uni for the whole day to record this and if all goes well, I'll be applying on Thursday!

Oh before I go, just wanna say I've watched New Moon. Hop on to Esther's blog to read about what I think cos we both share the same thoughts on it. Except that I'm with Team Jacob lol!

My Wish

I'm in a lovey dovey mood now so if you can't stand stuffs like that, don't bother reading.

I was reading The Time Traveler's Wife and came upon this page which talks about how much Clare wants to chop her hair off but can't because Henry loves it and then she says she will miss it but it's just so much effort. It felt so familiar reading all that because, for the longest time I have always wanted to cut my hair short (when my hair was super duper long) and when I say short, I mean super short. Has anyone ever noticed how long my hair used to be?


Crap would you look at that? It reached my hips. My freakin' hips.

And honestly, I do miss it T_T

Not that my hair's super short now. It's heavily layered and the length still remained about the same but it doesn't look as long as it was, like in that picture anymore just because it's much thinner now. The reason I kept the length is because, like Clare, I know I will definitely miss it and also, Wk loves my long hair (he tells me that, I didn't assume this myself ok) and I know he'll definitely be upset if I cut it short.

Anyway, I must say, having it layered has been the best thing I could do for my hair cos all my split ends are now gone, it's more manageable, it doesn't tangle as much, it's easier to comb and the best part is I still get to keep the length eventhough it might not look as long as before :)

Ok I know, that's like totally random. I just thought I would share that small part of that novel here cos I can relate to it so much. That book has been ok. I won't say it's as interesting as Life of Pi but I do enjoy reading it. It's so freakin' thick lah 500 pages wtf. Probably need another month or two to finish it cos I only do about 8-10 pages a day.

Ok that aside, I have been missing Wk so damn freakin' much these few days. We skype/msn /webcam almost every single day. We sometimes wake each other up. And the best part is, we motivate each other to do what we're supposed to do - I'm supposed to practice, he's supposed to work on his design. And I must say, having him around is sooooo much better cos otherwise, I won't even bother to take my violin out!

Everytime I look at him in my laptop's screen, I think of the day we're going to live together, in OUR apartment, OUR room, OUR kitchen, OUR bed, OUR computer (haha next time about this), OUR place. And it just motivates me to want to work hard and just get freakin' get accepted by the university.

The next time I go to Melbourne, I'm expecting to say... "OUR" apartment instead of "HIS" apartment, or "HIS" bed. The next time I we wish each other "good morning nigga" (inside joke), I want to be able to laugh right in front of him and not just typing "ha ha ha" and punch 'Enter' on the keyboard. And the next time I expect all these, is next year.

The more I think about all these, the more I want to practice, and the more I think about all these, the more I'm afraid of rejection. It's stressing me out seriously.

This is not just a diploma or a degree. It's a master studies. It's not something you can apply by sending in a bunch of papers and forms and whatnot. I sometimes wonder if I'm actually fit, or good enough to apply. A lot of people tell me I can do it and I can get in and all that. I know everyone's being nice but whether they really think I am good enough, I don't know. What I know is I want to just do my best, and apply and hope for the best.

But I constantly think about a lot of 'what if's. What if I get rejected?

I cannot take rejection. At all. Not at this stage now. He has given up the contract and hasn't even found a new accomodation, all because he's expecting me. How can I even deal with a rejection when I'm thrown with all these expectations?

Another reason to not being able to handle rejection is that I seriously cannot stand this LDR any longer anymore.

I just want to stay beside him and have someone to touch my hair. I just want to stay beside him and have someone to keep me warm. I just want to stay beside him and have someone to tell me how much he loves me everyday, right to my face and not through the computer or phones. I'm just someone who's like many others out there, who needs her dose of affection everyday. I hope it's not too much to ask for.

Life of Pi - Yann Martel

Anyone noticed my "Currently Reading" column has one book taken off?

Bet no one did, cos I just only took it off HAHA. Ok not funny.

Anyway, yes I've finished Life of Pi finally! Aileen are you reading this? Haha. And I must tell you, IT IS SUCH A FREAKIN' GOOD BOOK!!!

Ohmigosh I can't describe how moved and... amazed I was with it. I simply cannot find the right word to describe how I feel about it. It's a mixture of inspired, moved, awed and all that. And at the beginning I was complaining so much about how boring it was. Seriously the first half (or maybe a third) was so freakin' boring I almost wanted to give up and start on other books. I was like what the hell, why the hell this book is a bestseller and why the hell it's a winning book for some dunno what booker prize? But oh well, everynight before I sleep I thought "Ok let's just give this another try" for a few nights and finally, it got interesting somewhere in the middle - when the ship sank.

I'm not going to start reviewing this book besides telling you readers that it's 'good' cos I suck at reviewing and my review will totally do no justice to how great and well-written this book is. I tried telling the story to Wk earlier in the afternoon and all he did was, "I don't see the point..." and "Huh, like that also can ah?" or "Hrm... why must he do that?"........zzzzz........

I was so excited that I wanted to excite him as well but he totally didn't get the whole point of the story. That proves how bad I am with words.
...

Either that, or he sucks. HAHAHHA.

So anyway, I'm both happy and sad that I've finished a book. Happy cos yay can go on to another book. Sad cos... I don't know if it's just me or what, but whenever I finish something be it books or a soap or a tv show series, I always get this 'empty' feeling after that. It's like... ok I'm done so what's next? And somehow I won't be as interested in other books/tv shows anymore given that the book/show that I previously read/watched, was really good. But yeah, I'm continuing on the other 2 books now.

I am totally anticipating for the movie! I heard it's directed by Ang Lee. It better be good! Well, seeing that it's Ang Lee, I'm putting high expectation on it.

Ok gotta go practice now. Oh yah good news good news!!! I totally saved RM500 cos I managed to get my university's letter to prove that the language of instruction was in English so now I can be exempted from IELTS!!! Ok what's bothering me now is that freakin' audition recording haih.

Because I Think Replying To Your Comments Deserve One Whole Post =)

What a long title. But yeah.

I am so happy and I honestly feel so freakin' blessed to have readers/friends who are concerned about my insignificant and unnecessary worrying. I feel so happy to read all the long, long comments because it tells me one thing - you guys actually took the time to highlight it and read through that whole long crap and you guys cared! I feel so touched T____T I'm not saying this just to make me seem like I'm nice, seriously! Well, I AM nice anyway HAHAHA.

ShinD, awww actually it's not that I am snobbish or anything it's just that I'm not good at talking with new people so a lot of times, people don't actually find me friendly and some even think I look "angry" hence, unapproachable -_- but thank you for saying I was friendly to you =D

Ping, well you are damn right about everything but stepping out of my comfort zone... I still need a lot of time to master the art of it hehe. Anyway, I hope you're doing fine in the UK! I read your post about LDR. Like I've always said, have faith! You can do it too. =)

Maggie, wtf your comment cracked me up the most! But they're all so true! Yala yala I don't like you wtf. HAHAHA. Yeah, the only thing that I actually look forward there is of course Wk, and at least one of my besties, you, are there! =) Omg but NARS is sooooo overpriced at Australia T_T

Esther, dim gai you scold me bitch T___T LOL! Anyway, the thing is, IF I get accepted I most probably will continue staying there cos I most probably will try to get a job there... but yeah. To think it through I shouldn't be complaining since its not that the world's shutting off on me. Eh even if I have Wk and Maggie there I will definitely miss you one lar T____T

Fang Chin, wah short and sweet hahaah! I like! Actually it's not about me wanting or not anymore, but more like can I make it? T___T

Laughing, haahahahah with you it's all about gossiping! Thanks for the encouraging words! I will =)

I guess afterall, I shouldn't be complaining because really, there isn't any problem. Well, like I said, I only wanted to ramble a little. Thanks again for the great comments, everyone! =)

On a totally unrelated note, here're the pieces that I'll be preparing for the audition:

Vivaldi's Winter Concerto
Beethoven's Spring Sonata
Wieniawski's Romance
Stravinsky's Russian Maiden's Song

I hope it's up to standard... Luckily I have Wk there because he helped me to ask the International Admissions' Officer directly and cleared all the confusion I had. The deadline's on Christmas Eve, I'll be submitting my application early November. I've even called my accompanist (who's a really good one btw, and expensive too T___T) and I was so glad that she said ok cos I was told that she's busy all the time and I was a little worried if she cannot help me. And another great news is that I don't have to submit in a video format, just an audio will do. Which is a great relief cos then I don't have to worry about tripods, sound balancing and whatevers. Now, where can I find a good sound recorder...

Haihhhhh

I know I said I won't be updating as often but here I am. I've been feeling really restless for the longest time. It's about application to study Masters at University of Melbourne. I have soooooo many mixed thoughts about this. Like SOOOOO many. Or maybe I should say SOOOOO much. A part of me wants to get accepted, a part of me doesn't. I'm pretty sure most of you know why I want to get accepted and I'm pretty sure most of you don't know why I DON'T want to get accepted. Yes, I've been keeping it to myself. I won't hide from everyone that the very main reason to me even wanting to apply to that university, is to stop my long distance relationship with Wk. I know, if we want to make it work, shouldn't he be doing something too, right? The thing is, he has done so much for me that I can never ask for more. I most of the time brag about the good things he has done for me, good things he got me etc etc but those are actually only like a small part of what he did or has been doing. Crap did I just bragged again? Cos the only reason I don't talk about EVERYTHING is to not sound like I'm bragging. Ok that aside, let me just let you all know the reason I even want to go to Melbourne and study is not because I love that place. Not that I hate it, I like that place and the only reason I'm liking it is because Wk's there and I'm serious. I don't want to lie to everyone and say that place is beautiful I love the people the weather blablabla when really, to think it through, if I were to be there by myself I would have hated it. So yes, my only reason to go there isn't really because I wanted to study, but to be with him. The reason I don't want to be accepted is not entirely because I don't want to study either. It's because I am afraid of the new surrounding and the new environment again. I have to once again, face new people, make new friends (hopefully, because I'm actually the last person anyone will call 'friendly'), learn new things. And besides, it's not Malaysia where I'm familiar of the culture and everything else. It's a totally new place, new culture. I am tired of building a new comfort zone. 3 years ago when I first went into uni, it took me about half a year to find people that I'm comfortable with. For about a month or two, I was all alone. And I hated it. I hated the part where I had to be alone on everything when everywhere I turn, I see people having a friend beside them to talk to. Even people only knew each for not long. I am not good at socializing at all. I am afraid of facing all that once again. I feel really happy with my group of friends from highschool and uni that I have found, that I am really comfortable and can be myself with. Esther, Wai Tuck, Cat, Adelle, Cheng Choo, Jian, Chooi Yin. Honestly, I am afraid of trying new things. I don't have the guts, I admit. I'm very much a stick-to-comfort-zone kind of girl. Besides all that fear on a completely new environment, I am worried of my youngest sister too. My other sister is at Sabah doing her degree, if I leave next year, my brother might leave for the UK in September. Then it'll be her alone at home. The thought of her being alone makes me sad. Also, another reason that I'm feeling so restless now is that, what if I don't get accepted? Money will be wasted. And not just my application fees or my violin lesson or accompaniment charges. Because Wk's foreseeing me there next year, he has cancelled his contract with his current apartment just to look for another apartment to accommodate the both of us. But what if I don't get accepted!!! I feel so stressed =( I REALLY REALLY REALLY want to be there! And I'm REALLY REALLY REALLY afraid of being rejected. And I'm REALLY REALLY REALL scared of new environment, and going through the 'alone' phase again. And if I go, I know that I will REALLY REALLY REALLY miss everything back home.

I want, and at the same time don't want it. Why! =(

Ok. Enough of ramblings. I'm going to sleep now.

I scolded IDP

Lol. Indirectly of course. I was checking out their website and discovered a "Online Enquiry" thingie so I clicked on it and under the "Message" box, I typed a looooooong message telling them about my encounters and how disappointed I am with them.

Remember I said I went to the Postgraduate Fair and met a representative who said she'll email me when she finds out about the questions I asked? I don't know if she has forgotten all about my enquiry, or she only said that because she wanted to just brush me off cos it has been more than a week after the fair and I still have not gotten anything from IDP. And it pisses me off.

If I still don't get anything from them, I'll email the head of department of the Faculty of Music of Uni of Melbourne. If that still doesn't solve the problem, I'll call. Calling is my last resort because I think calling is a total waste of time and more importantly, money. Calling will only put me on hold for the number of times I don't even want to imagine, and I might not even get the answer I want.

If calling STILL doesn't solve it, screw it. I'll apply anyway.

This is really stupid. Just one simple question - audition or not. And no one can answer me. I even emailed them my enquiry. They have this sorta like a forum thing where I get to log in, post my question and wait for their reply. For the first few weeks, I checked and I still could see my question there without a solution. And after a while, I think it was two weeks back when I checked, it says "0 queries" WTF. They cleared it without even giving me an answer!

Seriously, what the F.

Ok end of rant.

Watched I Love You Beth Cooper with Esther just now. Not impressive, but not bad either. Hayden blablabla's hot though. Lol sorry dunno how to spell her first name. You'll know her, that cheerleader in Heroes. Tomorrow, will be heading to uni to return my graduation robe and get my transcript and certs. And I'll officially be a degree holder yo! :) After that, lunch with Cat and Samuel. Hopefully will have enough determination to go jogging in the evening. Right now, read a little before I doze off.

Why nobody can answer me?!!

" OH MY GODDDDDDDDDDDDDD!!!!! "

" What? "

" YOU KNOW MELBOURNE NOW HAS LINDT'S CAFE ALREADY! "

" HAHAHAHAH! Ya I know! "

" WTF WHY YOU DIDN'T TELL ME!!! "

" AHAHAHA another reason for you to come right? :D "

" Hahah! Guess who told me! "

" Aileen lorrr... "

" How you know one! "

" Hahah only she will tell you this kind of things la "

---

Haha. He knows me so well. And his friends too :)

I went to the Postgraduate Fair at IDP today and GRRR SO ANGRY!!! I can't believe this! All I need is just a freakin' answer - Do I freakin' need to go through an audition for specialisation in Teaching. I emailed University of Melbourne's School of Music but they didn't reply me. I went to IDP before this. That lady obviously didn't know anything and instead kept asking me to attend the fair cos she assured me representatives will be there and they'll be able to answer me. I got all my result slips ready cos that lady said if I apply on that day the application fees of AUD100 can be waived which is totally great because AUD100 is a lot for me. So I went today, and it's fruitless AGAIN!!!

STUPID.

I wasn't exactly late, was there around 12pm and there were already people queueing up for enquiries at the many Australian universities' booths. But not all were long queues la. From what I saw, only popular ones like Monash & Melbourne were quite packed with people.

Yes. Long queue at Melbourne U's booth. So I waited for about 10 minutes before I got to spoke with one of them. Then I told her I needed to know about requirements. She took out the book which I ALREADY have. Honestly, damn irritating la if really everything's already in the book or in the website do I still need to be there? Of course I got something I don't understand only I go there and ask one lah!

Reminded me of that stupid ang moh in Melbourne U's School of Music I met when I was in Melbourne. Stupid ang moh told me to go back and check out the website after I asked her a lot of questions she couldn't answer me. STUPID. OF COS I'VE READ THE WEBSITE LA IF NOT WHY I KNOW MELBOURNE U HAS MUSIC COURSES! WHY I WENT THERE. I said I wanted to meet someone who's in the faculty because I need to clarify about things. That stupid fat ang moh (*touch wood!) just wouldn't move her fat ass to arrange for me and asked me to check the website. STUUUUPID. No wonder she had to work there. With that kinda stupid attitude she'll probably have to work at that counter for the rest of her life lah.

Ok anyway, back to the fair today. Then I told her what's my problem and in the end, she too couldn't answer me. It's seriously very confusing.

I want to take the Masters in Music Studies by Coursework in Performance/Teaching. And in their website, it says that students who intend to do the Performance specialisation need to go through an audition. Er... so what about Teaching?

I asked a lady from IDP before and at first she answered me "YES" instantly claiming that it's under the same category. But I don't understand! Why the hell must the uni mention only students under Performance specialisation needs to go through audition! It sounds as though students who wants to specialize in Teaching don't have to go through an audition! But it's not mentioned in the website!

Today I asked a girl. At first she too replied me just like the lady I met earlier at IDP, an instant "YES" but after a while, she told me she's not sure actually. And she say she'll check it out for me. Wtf. Then I asked her "So I can't apply today?" and she said no since I'm not sure of the requirements yet. WTF.

I drove all the way there and purposely brought all my certs and all thinking it'll take some time to apply and all. In the end I still CANNOT apply and STILL DON'T KNOW if I need to go through an audition.

But the good news is that, she told me eventhough I can't apply today, I can always apply through IDP another day and the application fee will still be waived. That's the first. Second is, she asked me to leave her my enquiries and that when she gets anything she'll email the info to me. Well at least, AT LEAST, somebody's responding to me now.

It's seriously so damn frustrating. I just want to know whether or not I need to do the audition that's all! Why is it so hard to just answer me? To me having an audition and not having one makes A LOT of difference! If I don't have to go through an audition, I can save a lot of my money learning violin! I can use the time to teach more and earn more money! I don't have to worry about getting an accompanist which means more money needed, and a place to record my audition tape! I don't have to worry about posting the tape and the risk of it being lost on the way!

But if I DO need to go through an audition, that's a totally different story already!

Haihhhhh why want to give Melb U money also so difficult wtf.

Green puppy

Today's itinerary: Lunch - Kim Gary. Entertainment - Redbox. Dinner - Pappa Rich. Supper - Waffles and corn in cup. I tell you, my appetite has expanded ever since I got back from Melbourne. I think it expanded even when I was there. Which is definitely not a good thing! =(

Pictures from Redbox at Sunway Pyramid today.

Omg look! It's Ju On! wtf






Doing the Michael Jackson WTF HAHAHA




Dunno why I look so lansi here.

And here's from Wai Tuck's camera phone after my camera's battery ran out. SUPER FUNNY SHIT HAHAHA! When I saw them in his FB I laughed so hard Wk (who was on Skype with me) asked me what I was laughing about.

I think I was chewing something.


Lol






HAHAHAHA


She was molesting me huhuhu T_T


HAHAHAHA


Boom Boom Pow! WTF WTF HAHAHAHAHAHA

Bought something while we were out today.

Hair clip from Mini Toons.

I've always been calling Mini Toons as the "lap sap shop" (rubbish shop) cos I thought they only sell useless stuffs like key chains, handphone chains, soft toys, stickers and whatnot. Until I found this hair clip which is by far, the only hair clip that is strong enough to clasp my hair together. If you didn't already know, my hair's very long and when I say very, I meant unusually long so it's very, very heavy and thick.

Ever since my trusty butterfly clip I bought from Singapore broke, I've never found anything that's strong enough for my hair until today. It wasn't cheap anyway. RM10 for just a big hair clip is definitely not cheap. But it's functional so, I decided to buy it. It's not easy to find a good hair clip nowadays.

Besides, this one from Mini Toons came in this adorable silhouette of a puppy. I wanted to get it in purple at first but all the purples' condition weren't good so decided on the green one instead eventhough it's obviously not a nice colour for that hair clip. It's not that I'm gonna use it outside anyway. I need something to hold my hair when I'm not washing it, or when I just wanna get all my hair away from my neck when I practise that's all. Shower caps clearly won't work for me. Rubber bands hurt cos hair too heavy, it pulls my scalp.

Okie time to sleep! Tomorrow got work at 10am huhuhu T_T

Oh btw, I went to the IDP office to enquire about some courses' requirements. Again, it turned out to be fruitless. I shall attend the coming Postgraduate Fair this August and get stuffs cleared. And wth why taking IELTS is so expensive! T_T